German fiction -- Translations into English; Germany -- Fiction; Sin -- Fiction
Leo passed his hand over his forehead and withdrew it damp. "And what
may the guilt be?" he asked, trying to laugh.
"Yes, I have asked myself that question too. What can it be, when he is
afraid to speak of it to me? And I have argued further, it must be
something that he fears to pain me by confessing, otherwise his silence
would have no motive. It must be, therefore, something in which I am
myself concerned."
Leo, half risen, clung to the arms of his chair. He was extremely
upset.
"I am as transparent as glass to him," he thought. Only Ulrich's
friendly, almost mournful calmness still remained a riddle to him. And
this calmness restrained him, else would he have sought before to save
himself from what was coming.
"I set myself the task of inquiring into the past," Ulrich continued.
"I ransacked your life back to its earliest youth. I found scrapes, and
even intrigues, in plenty; but of actual wrong-doing nothing till ...
up to----"
"What?"
"Your duel with Rhaden."
Leo felt a sensation of something to which he had been clinging giving
way within him. With a tired sigh he sank against the back of the
chair.
Ulrich leaned over and put his hand on his knee. "Don't try to hide it
from me any more," he said. "I see too plainly that I have hit the
mark. You would be made of stone and iron if the sight of her who was
once his wife did not perpetually remind you of the fact that it is no
light or ordinary matter to shoot down like a wild beast, some one who
has injured our _amour propre_, or to let ourselves be so shot down."
"What could I do?" stammered Leo again, without a conception of what
his friend was driving at.
"A reconciliation ought to have been patched up. That is to say, don't
misunderstand me, I am not blaming you. It would not become me to do
so, as I myself was more to blame than you."
"_You_ to blame!"
"Undoubtedly. I was the mediator. I should also have been the
peacemaker. And to this day it's a mystery to me that I couldn't manage
to avert the consequences of that foolish dispute.... I made bad use of
my official opportunity. Rhaden should have been compelled to recall
the expression 'unfair,' for it's clear that he only let it escape him
in the excitement of the moment. I have judged myself severely enough.
I will confess to you that I ask myself sometimes, 'Were you justified
in marrying the wife of a man in whose death you had a hand?' Scruples,
perhaps of a somewhat pedantic conscience, and only you have the right
to reproach me for it."
"Reproach! I?" exclaimed Leo, who at last slowly grasped that this
abstruse dreamer, with his punctilious sense of justice, was trying to
fasten on himself a guilty responsibility out of his altogether
fairy-like version of the facts. Ah, if he only knew!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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