German fiction -- Translations into English; Germany -- Fiction; Sin -- Fiction
"No," Ulrich answered; "with great difficulty, I persuaded her to stay
at home. Just before we started she had an hysterical fit, and if she
had had another on the platform it would have made a scene."
"But if she feels it so much, why does she send him away?"
A shadow of pained self-dissatisfaction, which Leo knew from childhood,
passed over Ulrich's face. "I believe it is my fault," said he.
"Of course, everything is your fault," replied Leo. "If a stone falls
on some one's head in Borneo, it is your fault."
Ulrich smiled.
"Look at the boy," he said, "and then at me, and you must see that if
he were my own flesh and blood he could not be more like me. Sickly he
has been from birth--sensitive, anæmic, just as I have been. And since
he has become attached to me, he moulds himself more and more after my
pattern. And nothing could be worse for him. Who knows what I should
have grown to be without your pluck and muscularity to rely upon? He
has had no such comrade as I had in you. Instead, he has only had me to
pamper and pet him. Under my guidance he must grow up a weakling and a
milksop, and no man. In order that he should have a stronger hand over
him, I advised Felicitas to engage your pastor's son as his tutor. And
when that young gentleman began to demoralise my household, I winked at
it for the boy's sake. Finally, Felicitas herself got sick of him, and
sent him packing. For two or three weeks after that she taught the
little chap herself, but Felicitas is not the person to stick long to
that sort of thing. And she was certainly right when she decided on a
new move. I dare not take on my shoulders the responsibility of being
the ruin of her son."
It all sounded rational enough, yet in spite of that it was monstrous.
"But if you must sacrifice him," exclaimed Leo, "why send him to the
other end of the country? He might be ill and die before you got to
him."
"Hold me answerable for as much as you like," answered Ulrich, and his
eyes glistened with anxiety; "but just in this matter you must leave me
out. The child is not my child, and I am bound to acquiesce. All I can
do is to see that the thing is properly done. Felicitas chose the
school. The energy with which she set about it astonished me. She
declares that such a thorough change of air may prove most blessedly
beneficial to the boy, both mentally and physically, provided that the
influence of his earlier surroundings are entirely eradicated. I should
be quite ready to agree with her in theory, if the application of that
theory did not tear my heartstrings. But why do I talk of myself? She
is the mother by blood of the child. She must suffer more than I. Ah,
and what will she not yet have to suffer."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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