be so bad, perhaps, as if he had done it for himself. To save the
Horsburghs and the Aitkens from ruin, even at the expense of a lie, of
teaching them to lie---- Oh no, no, Elsie cried, the tears pouring over
her Bible. It might not be so bad in one way, but it was worse in
another. It was dictating a lie to others as well as uttering it
himself. Was papa guilty of that? Was that what it meant, that struggle
long ago, the questioning and the self-conflict? Oh no, no, she cried to
herself, oh no, no! Neither for himself, neither for others could he
have done that. And yet what did it mean?
There is a point beyond which such a question cannot go. She had no way
of settling it. The doubt burned her like fire, it penetrated her heart
like a knife: but at last she was obliged, baffled, exhausted, and
heart-broken, to leave it alone. Perhaps she never would know what the
real meaning was, either of the parable in the book or the still more
urgent parable of human conduct here half revealed to her. But there was
at least something that she could understand, the old lesson of the
house, the teaching of her childhood, to guard her father from all
assault, from anything that could disturb his mind or his life. It was
not the simple formula now of not making a noise lest it should disturb
papa. It was something a great deal more important, not so easily
understood, not so easy to perform, but still more absolute and binding.
Not to disturb papa, not to allow him to be disturbed, to defend his
door, if need were, with her life. To put her arm into the hoops of the
bolt like Katherine Douglas in the history--that rash maiden whom every
Scots girl holds high, and would emulate if she could. Elsie was faintly
aware that this statement of the cause was a little nonsensical, that
she would not be called upon to sacrifice her life or to break her arm
in defence of her father; but she was very young, and full of passionate
feeling, and her thoughts formed into the language of generous
extravagance, in spite of herself. What was it really, after the
outburst of that fond resolution, that she had to do?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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