himself, with a smile, in our days.
To be sure, he had one faithful confidant, the wife of his bosom; but,
least of all, would Mr. Buchanan have poured out his troubles to his
wife. He knew very well what she would say--“You accepted an indulgence
that was not meant for you; you took your bill and wrote fourscore when
it was hundreds you were owing; Claude, my man, that cannot be--you must
just go this moment and tell Mr. Morrison the whole truth; and, if I
should sell my flannel petticoat, we’ll pay it off, every penny, if
only they will give us time.” He knew so well what she would say, that
he could almost hear the inflections of her voice in saying it. There
was no subtlety in her--she would understand none of his hesitations.
She would see no second side to the question. “Own debt and crave days,”
she would say; she was fond of proverbs--and he had heard her quote that
before.
There are thus difficulties in the way of consulting the wife of your
bosom, especially if she is a practical woman, who could, in a manner,
force you to carry out your repentance into restitution, and give you no
peace.
During this time of reawakened feeling, Mr. Buchanan had a certain
distant sentiment, which he did not know how to explain to himself,
against his daughter Elsie. She had a way of looking at him which he did
not understand--not the look of disapproval, but of curiosity, half
wistful, half pathetic--as if she wanted to know something more of him,
to clear up some doubt in her own mind. What cause could the girl have
to want more knowledge of her own father? She knew everything about him,
all his habits, his way of looking at things--as much as a girl could
know about a man so much older and wiser than herself. It half amused
him to think that one of his own family should find this mystery in him.
He was to himself, always excepting that one thing, as open as the
day--and yet the amusement was partial, and mingled with alarm. She
knew more of that one thing than any one else; could it be that it was
curiosity and anxiety about this that was in the girl’s eyes?
Sometimes he thought so, and then condemned himself for entertaining
such a thought, reminding himself that vague recollections like that of
Elsie do not take such shape in a young mind, and also that it was
impossible that one so young, and his affectionate and submissive child,
should entertain any such doubts of him.
The curious thing was that, knowing all he did of himself, and that he
had done--or intended to do, which was the same--this one thing which
was evil, he still felt it impossible that any doubt of him should lodge
in his daughter’s mind.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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