'Would the moon but shine! I mean to watch you when you die, but I think
a better sight your face would be now than then. How well it pleases me
your eyes are grey! Can grey eyes serve as well to show hate as love? Ay,
I shall laugh at that: to see in them hate, hate like my own; but
impotent hate, not like mine. It hardly has dawned yet, I guess, but it
will; and presently be so strong that the dearest joy left would be to
have your hand on my throat to finish my life. Do you think I fear? I
dare you, defy you! Ha! Agonistes.'
He did not come hurling upon her; he did not by word or sign acknowledge
her taunts.
'Why, the night of my dread goes blithely as never before. There is no
bane left in it. I have found an antidote.'
She forced a laugh, but it went wild, strangled, and fell broken. Again
she fled back into the dark, and, like a prisoned bird, circled frantic
for the sea that she could not reach. Far from Christian, she halted and
panted low: 'Not yet have I failed, dear sea. Though love may not
prevail, nor hate, yet shall my song.'
Though the incoming tide sounded near, echo still carried the tolling of
the bells. For the knell of that passing soul fittest names they bore out
of all the Communion of Saints. St. Mary! bitter dregs had his life to
drain; St. Margaret! his pearl of the sea was lost in deep waters; St.
Faith! utter darkness was about, and desperate striving could find no
light of Heaven; his life, his love, his God forsook, rejected, disowned
him.
Loss or fear could not touch him any more, for not one hope, one joy
remained. From the cruel havoc, calm, passionless wonder distilled, and
new proportions rose as his past came before him to be measured anew: so
tolerable looked the worst of inflictions, a passing wrong, forgivable,
forgettable; so sorry looked the best endurance, a wretched contortion,
defacing, deforming. Against Diadyomene not one throb of passion stirred:
she had broken his heart outright, so that it had not true faculty of
life for any new growth. Strangely, to his wonder, under this her doing,
the old derangement passed away, and the way of loving-kindness to all
men showed clear. Too late! Never in this life could he meet his fellows
with good, quiet blood, and frank eyes, and wholesome laughter, unafraid,
simply acknowledging all records, free, candid, scrutable.
He began even before death to resolve to impersonality; he surveyed the
perverse obstinacy of vitality that would not quit its old habitation,
though fierce pain was in possession; and he could wonder at the
wretched body heaving, tortured by a double thirst for air, for water,
when so short a time would render it mere quiet earth, soon to unshape.
Out of the darkness rang her voice, noting beauty wordless, and sunlit
seas glanced through the nights: the magic of the sea was upon him.
Brief sweetness! the bright sound faltered, broke. O blackness and pain!
The far, slow knell struck in.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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