“I and Lutorius, Causidiena and Numisia are to be the witnesses to the
stipulations and our agreement on any point is to prove that point. I
propose to make it impossible for there to be any misunderstanding
or disagreement among the four of us, to make it certain that we four
think, speak and act unanimously on all points whatever. Nothing must be
assumed, everything must be explicit.
“To begin with, is this a fair statement of your proposal?
“You maintain that you are a worthy priestess of Vesta and wholly
acceptable to her. You propose to demonstrate this by asking of her the
power to carry water in a sieve in the sight of the whole College of
Pontiffs and of such other persons as I may see fit to have present at
the test. If you fail you will expect to be tried for misconduct. If
you succeed you will expect to be then and there absolved from all
accusations and imputations connected with your deportment or behavior.
“Is that a fair statement of your proposal?”
“It is,” Brinnaria replied.
“What kind of water do you propose to carry?” Commodus asked. “Spring
water, rain-water from a tank, aqueduct-water, or what?”
“I assumed,” said Brinnaria, “that I would carry water from the river,
in accordance with the legend of my predecessor: Father Tiber being
himself one of our gods, one of the sternest to evildoers, yet to the
righteous most kindly and helpful.”
“Excellent!” said the Emperor. “My notion precisely. That is settled. I
accordingly appoint as the place of your test the Marble Quay, since
the porticoes flanking it shut out the mob and protect the Quay from
intruding eyes, and since the space enclosed by them is ample for
the assemblage of the College of Pontiffs, the Senate and the Court
officials. Are you satisfied with that place?”
“I am,” said Brinnaria.
“In what kind of a sieve do you propose to carry water?” came the next
question.
“A sieve,” said Brinnaria, “is a sieve.”
“Not at all,” Commodus objected. “There are sieves and sieves.”
“Well, of course,” Brinnaria reflected, “I do not mean a broken,
worn-out or imperfect sieve, nor one incompetently made.”
“Just so,” the Emperor amplified. “You propose to carry water in a sieve
with a circular rim, without any hole, crevice or crack in it and with a
web stretched taut on the rim, evenly woven and of the finest mesh.”
“That expresses my unformed idea,” said Brinnaria.
“Did you mean a linen sieve,” the Emperor asked, “or a horse-hair sieve,
or a metal sieve?”
“That,” said Brinnaria, “can make no difference, if it fulfills the
conditions you have just specified. I leave the choice of material to
you.”
“That is the correct attitude for you,” said Commodus, “and does you
credit.
“And now I think we four will settle the other details without you. Do
you agree to that?”
“No!” Brinnaria objected. “I think I should be a party to the settling
of several other details.”
“What are they?” Commodus queried.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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