The spirit cries out that it dare not, it cannot cease to be. It cannot
bear the thought of all the energy and activity of life proceeding in
its accustomed course, deeds being done, words being uttered, the
problems which the mind pondered being solved, the hopes which the
heart cherished being realised--"and I not there." It is a ghastly
obsession to think of all the things that one has loved best--quiet
work, the sunset on familiar fields, well-known rooms, dear books,
happy talk, fireside intercourse--and one's own place vacant, one's
possessions dispersed among careless hands, eye and ear and voice
sealed and dumb. And yet how strange it is that we should feel thus
about the future, experience this dumb resentment at the thought that
there should be a future in which one may bear no part, while we
acquiesce so serenely in claiming no share in the great past of the
world that enacted itself before we came into being. It never occurs to
us to feel wronged because we had no conscious outlook upon the things
that have been; why should we feel so unjustly used because our outlook
may be closed upon the things that shall be hereafter? Why should we
feel that the future somehow belongs to us, while we have no claim upon
the past? It is a strange and bewildering mystery; but the fact that
the whole of our nature cries out against extinction is the strongest
argument that we shall yet be, for why put so intensely strong an
instinct in the heart unless it is meant to be somehow satisfied?
Only one thought, and that a stern one, can help us--and that is the
certainty that we are in stronger hands than our own. The sense of
free-will, the consciousness of the possibility of effort, blinds us to
this; we tend to mistake the ebullience of temperament for the
deliberate choice of the will. Yet have we any choice at all? Science
says no; while the mind, with no less instinctive certainty, cries out
that we have a choice. Yet take some sharp crisis of life--say an
overwhelming temptation. If we resist it, what is it but a resultant of
many forces? Experience of past failures and past resolves combine with
trivial and momentary motives to make us choose to resist. If we fail
and yield, the motive is not strong enough. Yet we have the sense that
we might have done differently: we blame ourselves, and not the past
which made us ourselves.
But with death it is different. Here, if ever, falls the fiat of the
Mind that bade us be. And thus the only way in which we can approach it
is to put ourselves in dependence upon that Spirit. And the only course
we can follow is this: not by endeavouring to anticipate in thought the
moment of our end--that, perhaps, only adds to its terrors when it
comes--but by resolutely and tenderly, day after day, learning to
commend ourselves to the hand of God; to make what efforts we can; to
do our best; to decide as simply and sincerely as possible what our
path should be, and then to leave the issue humbly and quietly with God.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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