I need not tell you that I am very wretched. It is not
only that I am separated from you, my own dear, dearest
girl, but that I cannot refrain from thinking how it has
come to pass that it is so. I went down to see my father
yesterday. I did see him, and you may imagine of what
nature was the interview. I sometimes think, when I lie in
bed, that no man was ever so ill-treated as I have been.
Dearest love, good-bye. I could not have brought myself to
say what you have said, but I know that you are right. It
has not been my fault, dear. I did love you, and do love
you as truly as any man ever loved a woman.
Yours with all my heart,
WALTER MARRABLE.
I should like to see you once more before I start. Is
there any harm in this? I must run down to my uncle's, but
I will not go up to you if you think it better not. If you
can bring yourself to see me, pray, pray do.
In answer to this Mary wrote to him to say that she would certainly
see him when he came. She knew no reason, she said, why they should
not meet. When she had written her note she asked her aunt's opinion.
Aunt Sarah would not take upon herself to say that no such meeting
ought to take place, but it was very evident that she thought that it
would be dangerous.
Captain Marrable did come down to Loring about the end of January,
and the meeting did take place. Mary had stipulated that she should
be alone when he called. He had suggested that they should walk out
together, as had been their wont; but this she had declined, telling
him that the sadness of such a walk would be too much for her, and
saying to her aunt with a smile that were she once again out with him
on the towing-path, there would be no chance of their ever coming
home. "I could not ask him to turn back," she said, "when I should
know that it would be for the last time." It was arranged, therefore,
that the meeting should take place in the drawing-room at Uphill
Lane.
He came into the room with a quick, uneasy step, and when he reached
her he put his arm round her and kissed her. She had formed certain
little resolutions on this subject. He should kiss her, if he
pleased, once again when he went,--and only once. And now, almost
without a motion on her part that was perceptible, she took herself
out of his arms. There should be no word about that if she could help
it,--but she was bound to remember that he was nothing to her now but
a distant cousin. He must cease to be her lover, though she loved
him. Nay,--he had so ceased already. There must be no more laying of
her head upon his shoulder, no more twisting of her fingers through
his locks, no more looking into his eyes, no more amorous pressing
of her lips against his own. Much as she loved him she must remember
now that such outward signs of love as these would not befit her.
"Walter," she said, "I am so glad to see you! And yet I do not know
but what it would have been better that you should have stayed away."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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