His eyes pierced me through and through--well at all events my nose and my ears and my wrists are as fine as Lady Merrenden’s--poor mamma’s odd mother does not show in me on the outside--thank goodness. He did not say much, only commonplaces about the view. I felt afraid of him, and rather depressed. I am sure he dislikes me. “May I not drive you somewhere?” my kind hostess asked. “Or, if you have nowhere in particular to go, will you come with me?” I said I should be delighted. An ache of loneliness was creeping over me. I wanted to put off as long as possible getting back to the hotel. I wanted to distract my thoughts from dwelling upon to-morrow, and what I was going to say to Christopher. To-morrow that seems the end of the world. She has beautiful horses, Lady Merrenden, and the whole turn-out, except she herself, is as smart as can be. She really looks a little frumpish out of doors, and perhaps that is why papa went on to Mrs. Carruthers. Goodness and dearness like this do not suit male creatures as well as caprice, it seems. She was so good to me, and talked in the nicest way. I quite forgot I was a homeless wanderer, and arrived at Claridge’s about half past four in almost good spirits. “You won’t forget I am to be one of your friends,” Lady Merrenden said, as I bid her good-bye. “Indeed I won’t,” I replied, and she drove off, smiling at me. I do wonder what she will think of my marriage with Christopher. Now it is night--I have had a miserable, lonely dinner in my sitting-room, Véronique has been most gracious and coddling--she feels Mr. Carruthers in the air, I suppose,--and so I must go to bed. Oh! why am I not happy, and why don’t I think this is a delightful and unusual situation, as I once would have done. I only feel depressed and miserable, and as if I wished Christopher at the bottom of the sea. I have told myself how good-looking he is--and how he attracted me at Branches--but that was before--yes, I may as well write what I was going to--before Lord Robert arrived. Well, he and Lady Ver are talking together on a nice sofa by now, I suppose, in a big, well-lit drawing-room, and--oh!--I wish, I _wish_ I had never made any bargain with her--perhaps now in that case--ah well---- _Sunday afternoon._