It was a bitter realisation. Her whole happiness had been ruined--utterly
and remorselessly, because she and Tony had missed the train at the Dents
de Loup. It seemed incredible! Such a trivial, unimportant small happening
to have brought the whole fabric of a man's and woman's happiness toppling
headlong to the ground! A little hysterical sound--half laugh, half
sob--escaped her. And Brett-- She could hardly endure to think of him.
It was past belief that any man who loved her--and within herself Ann
acknowledged that in his own selfish, masterful way, Brett did love
her--could have so ruthlessly flung everything aside--chivalry, honour, and
a woman's happiness--in his fierce determination to obtain his ends. Past
belief, indeed! Yet it had actually happened, and the consequences would
roll on, like the wheels of some dreadful machine, crushing out hope and
joy and faith.
_Faith!_ Ann's thoughts checked at the word. That was the one and only
thing which could have saved the whole terrible situation. If Eliot had
only trusted her, had had faith in her, then neither the unlucky accident
at the Dents de Loup nor the treacherous misuse which Brett had made of it
could have availed to hurt their love or to destroy their happiness. For a
moment a tide of bitterness against her lover for his lack of trust swelled
up within her, then her inherent sense of justice drove it back. He had
learned distrust--learned it from bitter experience. The entire burden of
catastrophe lay actually on the shoulders of the woman who, years ago, had
taken a boy's love and faith and broken them like toys between her hands.
Dully Ann wondered who the woman was--wondered whether she would be a
little sorry if she could know that another woman was paying so heavily
for the wrong which she had done. And then a dreary smile crossed her
face. It wouldn't make any difference if that other woman did know. There
was nothing she could do to repair the harm she had worked. It was all
hopeless--wheel within wheel, link added to link.
Well, it was over--finished. Ann tried to face the fact without blenching.
Love had come, for a brief moment transmuting her whole world, and now love
had gone again, and it only remained to take up the burden of life once
more. Perhaps it would be easier soon. Some day, she supposed, this pain at
her heart would cease, just as everything good, bad, and indifferent, comes
to an end in time. But no power on earth could alter things--put back the
clock. Even if Eliot, driven by the desperate hunger of love, came back to
her, nothing would ever be the same again. He had distrusted her, and that
distrust would lie between them now and always.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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