Then Lucifer began graciously to address his peers thus:—“Ye mightiest spirits of evil, ye archfiends of hellish guile, the utmost of your malicious wiles am I now constrained to demand. All here know that Britain and its adjacent isles is the realm most dangerous to my state, and fullest of mine enemies; and what is a hundredfold worse, there reigns now a queen most dangerous of all, who has never once inclined hither, nor along the old way of Rome on the one hand nor yet along the way of Geneva on the other: to think what great good the Pope has for a long time done us there and Oliver even to this day! What therefore shall we do? I fear me we shall entirely lose our ancient possession of that mart unless we instantly set-to to pave a new way for them to travel over, for they know too well all the old roads that lead hitherwards. Since this invincible hand shortens my chain, and prevents me from going myself to the earth, your advice I pray. Whom shall I appoint my viceroy to oppose yon hateful queen, Our Enemy’s vicegerent?” “Oh! thou great Emperor of Darkness,” said Cerberus, {106} the demon of tobacco, “’tis I that supply the third of that country’s maintenance, I shall go, and I will despatch you a hundred thousand of your foemen’s souls through a pipe stem.” “In sooth,” said Lucifer, “thou hast done me some good service, what with causing the slaughter of the owners in India and poisoning those that indulge in it, through the saliva, sending many to wander with it idly from house to house, others to steal in order to obtain it, and millions to grow that fond of it that they cannot spend a single day without it, and be in their right mind. For all this, go and do thy best, but thou art nought to our present purpose.” Whereupon Cerberus sat down; then rose Mammon, the devil of money, and with surly skulking mien began: “’T was I who pointed out the first mine whence money was to be obtained, and ever since I am praised and worshipped more than God, and men lay their pain and peril, all their mind, their affection and their trust upon me, yea, there is no man content, but all crave more of my favor; the more they obtain, the further still are they from rest, until at last, while seeking ease, they come to this region of everlasting woes. How many a crafty old miser have I enticed hither over paths that were harder to traverse than those that lead to the realm of bliss? Whenever a fair was held, a market, assize or election, or any other concourse, who had more subjects than I or greater power and authority? Cursing, swearing, fighting, litigation, falsehood and deceit, beating, clawing, murdering and robbing one another, Sabbath-breaking, perjury, cruelty, and what black mark besides, which stamps men as of Lucifer’s fold, that I have not had a hand in placing? For which reason have I been called ‘the root of all evil.’ Wherefore, an it please your majesty, I will go.”