The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 2 of 5)Burney, Fanny
History
The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 2 of 5)
Burney, Fanny
France -- History -- Revolution, 1789-1799 -- Refugees -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Refugees -- Fiction; War stories
'Since you know, Sir,' cried she, with quickness, 'my appointment, you
must be sensible I am no longer mistress of my time. This is all I can
say. I must be gone,--and you will not, I trust,--if I judge you
rightly,--you will not compel me to leave you in my apartment.'
'Yes! you judge me rightly! for the universe I would not cause you just
offence! Trust me, then, more generously! be somewhat less suspicious,
somewhat more open, and take not this desperate step, without hearkening
to its objections, without weighing its consequences!'
She could enter, she said, into no discussion; and prepared to depart.
'Impossible!' cried he, with energy; 'I cannot let you go!--I cannot,
without a struggle, resign myself to irremediable despair!'
Ellis, recovered now from the impression caused by his first appearance,
with a steady voice, and sedate air, said, 'This is a language,
Sir,--you know it well,--to which I cannot, must not listen. It is as
useless, therefore, as it is painful, to renew it. I beseech you to
believe in the sincerity of what I have already been obliged to say, and
to spare yourself--to spare, shall I add, me?--all further oppressive
conflicts.'
A sigh burst from her heart, but she strove to look unmoved.
'If you are generous enough to share, even in the smallest degree,'
cried he, 'the pain which you inflict; you will, at least, not refuse me
this one satisfaction.... Is it for Elinor ... and for Elinor only ...
that you deny me, thus, all confidence?'
'Oh no, no, no!' cried she, hastily: 'if Miss Joddrel were not in
existence,--' she checked herself, and sighed more deeply; but,
presently added, 'Yet, surely, Miss Joddrel were cause sufficient!'
'You fill me,' he cried, 'with new alarm, new disturbance!--I supplicate
you, nevertheless, to forego your present plan;--and to shew some little
consideration to what I have to offer.--'
She interrupted him. 'I must be unequivocally, Sir,--for both our
sakes,--understood. You must call for no consideration from me! I can
give you none! You must let me pursue the path that my affairs, that my
own perceptions, that my necessities point out to me, without
interference, and without expecting from me the smallest reference to
your opinions, or feelings.--Why, why,' continued she, in a tone less
firm, 'why will you force from me such ungrateful words?--Why leave me
no alternative between impropriety, or arrogance?'
'Why,--let me rather ask,--why must I find you for ever thus
impenetrable, thus incomprehensible?--I will not, however, waste your
patience. I see your eagerness to be gone.--Yet, in defiance of all the
rigour of your scruples, you must bear to hear me avow, in my total
ignorance of their cause, that I feel it impossible utterly to renounce
all distant hope of clearer prospects.--How, then, can I quietly submit
to see you enter into a career of public life, subversive--perhaps--to
me, of even any eventual amelioration?'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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