The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 2 of 5)Burney, Fanny
History
The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 2 of 5)
Burney, Fanny
France -- History -- Revolution, 1789-1799 -- Refugees -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Refugees -- Fiction; War stories
'I see,--I feel,--' cried he, with emotion, 'how amiable for her,--yet
how barbarous for me,--is your recommendation of a conduct, my honour,
from regard to her reputation, in a union to which every word that you
utter, and every idea to which you give expression, make me more and
more averse!--'
Ellis blushed and paused; but presently, with strengthened resolution,
earnestly cried, 'If this, Sir, is the sum of what you have to say,
leave me, I entreat, without further procrastination! Every moment that
you persist in staying presents to me the image of Miss Joddrel,
breaking from her physicians, and darting bloody and dying, into the
room to surprize you!'
'Pardon, pardon me, that I should have given birth to so dreadful an
apprehension! I will relieve you this instant: and omit no possible
precaution to avert every danger. But that least reflexion, to a mind
delicate as yours, will exculpate me from blame in not remaining at her
side,--after the scene of last night,--unless I'purposed to become her
permanent guardian. The tattling world would instantly unite--or
calumniate us. But you, who, if you retreat, will be doubted and
suspected, you, must at present, stay, and openly, clearly, and
unsought, be seen. Elinor, who breathes but to spur her misery by
despair, that she may end it, reserves for me, and for my presence,--to
astonish, to shock, or to vanquish me,--every horrour she can devise. In
my absence, rest assured, no evil will be perpetrated. 'Tis for her,
then, for her sake, that you must remain, and that I must depart.'
Ellis could not contest a statement which, thus explained, appeared to
be just; and, gratified by her concurrence, he no longer resisted her
urgent injunctions that he would be gone. He tried, in quitting her, to
seize and kiss her hand; but she drew back, with an air not to be
disputed; and a look of reproach, though not of displeasure. He
submitted, with a look, also, of reproach; though expressive, at the
same time, of reverence and admiration mixt with the deepest regret.
Mechanically, rather than intentionally, she went to the window, when he
had left her, whence she saw him cross the way, and then wistfully look
up. She felt the most painful blushes mount into her cheeks, upon
observing that he perceived her. She retreated like lightning; yet could
not escape remarking the animated pleasure that beamed from his
countenance at this surprise.
She sat down, deeply confused, and wept.
The postilion sent in the maid for orders.
She satisfied and discharged him; and then, endeavouring to dismiss all
rumination upon the past, deliberated upon the course which she ought
immediately to pursue.
Her musical plan once more became utterly hopeless; for what chance had
she now of any private scholars? what probability of obtaining any new
protection, when, to the other mysterious disadvantages under which she
laboured, would be added an accusation of perjury, denounced at the
horrible moment of self-destruction?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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