The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 2 of 5)Burney, Fanny
History
The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 2 of 5)
Burney, Fanny
France -- History -- Revolution, 1789-1799 -- Refugees -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Refugees -- Fiction; War stories
'I fly you, O Elinor, not to irritate those feelings I dare not
hope to soothe! My heart recoils, with prophetic terrour, from the
summons which you have issued for this morning. I know you too
noble to accept, as you have shewn yourself too sincere to present,
a heartless hand; but will you, therefore, blight the rest of my
existence, by making me the cause of your destruction? Will you
only seek relief to your sufferings, by means that must fix
indelible horrour on your survivors? Will you call for peace and
rest to yourself, by an action that must nearly rob me of both?
'Where death is voluntary, without considering our ultimate
responsibility, have we none that is immediate? For ourselves only
do we exist? No, generous Elinor, such has not been your plan. For
ourselves alone, then, should we die? Shall we seek to serve and to
please merely when present, that we may be served and pleased
again? Is there no disinterested attachment, that would suffer, to
spare pain to others? that would endure sooner than inflict?
'If to die be, as you hold, though as I firmly disbelieve, eternal
sleep, would you wish the traces that may remain of that period in
which you thought yourself awake, to be marked, for others, by
blessings, or by misfortune? Would you desire those whom you have
known and favoured whilst amongst them, gratefully to cherish your
remembrance, or to shrink with horrour from its recollection? Would
you bequeath to them the pleasing image of your liberal kindness,
or the terrific one of your despairing vengeance?
'To you, to whom death seems the termination of all, the
extinguisher, the absorber of unaccounted life, this airy way of
meeting, of invoking it, may appear suitable:--to me, who look
forward to corporeal dissolution but as to the opening to spiritual
being, and the period of retribution for our past terrestrial
existence; to me it seems essential to prepare for it with as much
awe as hope, as much solicitude as confidence.
'Wonder not, then, that, with ideas so different, I should fly
witnessing the crisis which so intrepidly you invite. Would you
permit your cooler reason to take the governance of your too
animated feelings, with what alacrity, and what delight, should I
seek your generous friendship!
'The Grave, you say, is the end of All, of soul and of body alike!
'Pause, Elinor!--should you be mistaken!...
'Pause!--The less you believe yourself immortal, the less you
should deem yourself infallible.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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