The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 2 of 5)Burney, Fanny
History
The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 2 of 5)
Burney, Fanny
France -- History -- Revolution, 1789-1799 -- Refugees -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Refugees -- Fiction; War stories
Intelligence so important, and so touching, filled her with emotion. Why
had not Miss Arbe transmitted to her a donation so seasonable, and so
much in unison with her wishes? Instantly, and without scruple, she
resolved to accept it; to adopt some private plan of maintenance, and to
relinquish the concert-enterprise altogether.
This idea was enforced by all her feelings. Her original dislike to the
scheme augmented into terrour, upon her entrance into the apartment
destined for its opening execution, when she perceived her own harp
placed in the most conspicuous part of the upper end of the room, which
was arranged for an orchestra: while the numerous forms with which the
floor was nearly covered, shewed her by how many auditors she was
destined to be judged, and by how many spectators to be examined. Struck
and affrighted, her new hope of deliverance was doubly welcomed, and she
looked eagerly round for Miss Arbe, to realize it without delay.
Miss Arbe, however, was so encircled, that there seemed little chance of
obtaining her attention. The situation of Ellis was awkward and painful;
for while the offences by which she had so lately been wounded, made her
most want encouragement, the suspicions which she had excited seemed to
distance all her acquaintance. No mistress of the house deigned to
receive, or notice her; and though, as a thing of course, she would
herself have approached any other than Miss Sycamore, there was a
lively, yet hardy insolence in that young lady, which she had not
courage to encounter.
The company, at large, was divided into groups, to the matron part of
which Miss Arbe was dictatorially haranguing, with very apparent
self-applause. The younger sets were engaged in busy whispering trios or
quartettos, in corners, or at the several windows.
Embarrassed, irresolute, Ellis stopt nearly upon her entrance, vainly
seeking some kind eye to invite her on; but how advance, where no one
addressed, or seemed to know her? Ah! ye proud, ye rich, ye high!
thought she, why will you make your power, your wealth, your state, thus
repulsive to all who cannot share them? How small a portion of
attention, of time, of condescension, would make your honours, your
luxuries, your enjoyments, the consolation, not the oppression, of your
inferiours, or dependants?
While thus, sorrowingly, if not indignantly, looking round, and seeing
herself unnoticed, if not avoided, even by those whose favour, whose
kindness, whose rising friendship, had most eminently distinguished her,
since the commencement of her professional career, she recollected the
stories of her disguises, and of her surreptitious name, which were
spread abroad: her justice, then, felt appeased; and she ceased to
resent, though she could not to grieve, at the mortification which she
experienced.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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