The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 3 of 5)Burney, Fanny
History
The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 3 of 5)
Burney, Fanny
France -- History -- Revolution, 1789-1799 -- Refugees -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Refugees -- Fiction; War stories
Alas, she thought, with what upright intentions may we be injudicious! I
have thrown away the power of obliging, by too precipitate an eagerness
to oblige! I retain merely that of avoiding to displease, by my most
indefatigable application! All I can perform seems but a duty, and of
course; all I leave undone, seems idleness and neglect. Yet what is the
labour that never requires respite? What the mind, that never demands a
few poor unshackled instants to itself?
From this time, the little pleasure which she had been able to create
for herself, from the virtue of her exertions, was at an end: to toil
beyond her fellow-labourers, was but to provoke ill will; to allow
herself any repose, was but to excite disapprobation. Hopeless,
therefore, either way, she gave, with diligence, her allotted time to
her occupation, but no more: all that remained, she solaced, by devoting
to her pen and Gabriella, with whom her correspondence,--her sole
consolation,--was unremitting.
This unaffected conduct had its customary effect; it destroyed at once
the too hardly earned favour of Mrs Hart, and the illiberal, yet too
natural enmity of her apprentices; and, in the course of a very few
days, Juliet was neither more esteemed, nor more censured, than any of
her sisters of the sewing tribe.
With the energy, however, of her original wishes and efforts, died all
that could reconcile her to this sort of life. The hope of pleasing,
which alone could soften its hardships, thus forcibly set aside, left
nothing in its place, but calmness without contentment; dulness without
serenity.
Experience is not more exclusively the guide of our judgment, than
comparison is the mistress of our feelings. Juliet now also found that,
local publicity excepted, there was nothing to prefer in her new to her
former situation; and something to like less. The employment itself was
by no means equally agreeable for its disciples. The taste and fancy,
requisite for the elegance and variety of the light work which she had
quitted; however ineffectual to afford pleasure when called forth by
necessity, rendered it, at least, less irksome, than the wearying
sameness of perpetual basting, running, and hemming. Her
fellow-labourers, though less pert and less obtrusive than those which
she had left, had the same spirit for secret cabal, and the same passion
for frolic and disguise; and also, like those, were all prattle and
confidential sociability, in the absence of the mistress; all sullenness
and taciturnity, in her presence. What little difference, therefore, she
found in her position, was, that there she had been disgusted by
under-bred flippancy; here, she was deadened by uninteresting monotony;
and that there, perpetual motion, and incessant change of orders, and of
objects, affected her nerves; while here, the unvarying repetition of
stitch after stitch, nearly closed in sleep her faculties, as well as
her eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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