The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 5 of 5)Burney, Fanny
History
The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 5 of 5)
Burney, Fanny
France -- History -- Revolution, 1789-1799 -- Refugees -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Refugees -- Fiction; War stories
Elinor, surprized and softened, looked at her with an expression of
involuntary admiration, as she answered, 'I believe you to be good,
Ellis!--I exonerate you from all delusory arts; and, internally, I never
thought you guilty,--or I had never feared you! Fool! mad fool, that I
have been, I am my own executioner! my distracting impatience to learn
the depth of my danger, was what put you together! taught you to know,
to appreciate one another! With my own precipitate hand, I have dug the
gulph into which I am fallen! Your dignified patience, your noble
modesty--Oh fatal Ellis!--presented a contrast that plunged a dagger
into all my efforts! Rash, eager ideot! I conceived suspense to be my
greatest bane!--Oh fool! eternal fool!--self-willed, and
self-destroying!--for the single thrill of one poor moment's returning
doubt--I would not suffer martyrdom!'
She wept, and hid her face within the carriage; but, holding out her
hand to Juliet, 'Adieu, Ellis!' she cried, 'I struggle hardly not to
wish you any ill; and I have never given you my malediction: yet
Oh!--that you had never been born!'--
She snatched away her hand, and precipitately drew up all the blinds, to
hide her emotion; but, presently, letting one of them down, called out,
with resumed vivacity, and an air of gay defiance, 'Marry him,
Ellis!--marry him at once! I have always felt that I should be less mad,
if my honour called upon me for reason!--my honour and my pride!'
The groom demanded orders.
'Drive to the end of the world!' she answered, impatiently, 'so you ask
me no questions!' and, forcibly adding, 'Farewell, too happy Ellis!' she
again drew up all the blinds, and, in a minute, was out of sight.
Juliet deplored her fate with the sincerest concern; and ruminated upon
her virtues, and attractive qualities, till their drawbacks diminished
from her view, and left nothing but unaffected wonder, that Harleigh
could resist them: 'twas a wonder, nevertheless, that every feeling of
her heart, in defiance of every conflict, rose, imperiously, to separate
from regret.
At the cottage, she found her recovered property, which she now
concluded,--for her recollection was gone,--that she had dropt upon her
entrance into the room occupied by Harleigh, before she had perceived
that it was not empty.
Here, too, almost immediately afterwards, her messenger returned with a
letter, which had remained more than a week at the post-office; whither
it had been sent back by the farmer, who had refused to risk advancing
the postage.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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