His allusion to the poet and the partridges was received very well.
"Oh, my poor brother," said he, "slaughtered partridges a score of
brace to each gun, and poets gauging ale-barrels, with sixty pounds a
year, at Dumfries, are not the signs of a great era!--perhaps of the
smallest possible era yet written of. Whatever economies we pursue,
political or other, let us see at once that this is the maddest of the
uneconomic: partridges killed by our land magnates at, shall we say,
a guinea a head, to be retailed in Leadenhall at one shilling and
ninepence, with one poacher in limbo for every fifty birds! our poet,
maker, creator, gauging ale, and that badly, with no leisure for
making or creating, only a little leisure for drinking, and such like
beer-barrel avocations! Truly, a cutting of blocks with fine razors
while we scrape our chins so uncomfortably with rusty knives! Oh, my
political economist, master of supply and demand, division of labour
and high pressure--oh, my loud-speaking friend, tell me, if so much
be in you, what is the demand for poets in these kingdoms of Queen
Victoria, and what the vouchsafed supply?"
This was all very well: this gave us some hope. We might do better
with our next poet, when we got one; and though the partridges might
not be abandoned, something could perhaps be done as to the poachers.
We were unwilling, however, to take lessons in politics from so
misty a professor; and when he came to tell us that the heroes of
Westminster were naught, we began to think that he had written enough.
His attack upon despatch boxes was not thought to have much in it;
but as it is short, the doctor shall again be allowed to speak his
sentiments.
Could utmost ingenuity in the management of red tape avail
anything to men lying gasping,--we may say, all but dead;
could despatch boxes with never-so-much velvet lining and
Chubb's patent be of comfort to a people _in extremis_, I
also, with so many others, would, with parched tongue, call
on the name of Lord John Russell; or, my brother, at your
advice, on Lord Aberdeen; or, my cousin, on Lord Derby, at
yours; being, with my parched tongue, indifferent to such
matters. 'Tis all one. Oh, Derby! Oh, Gladstone! Oh,
Palmerston! Oh, Lord John! Each comes running with serene
face and despatch box. Vain physicians! though there were
hosts of such, no despatch box will cure this disorder!
What! are there other doctors' new names, disciples who
have not burdened their souls with tape? Well, let us call
again. Oh, Disraeli, great oppositionist, man of the bitter
brow! or, Oh, Molesworth, great reformer, thou who promisest
Utopia. They come; each with that serene face, and each,--
alas, me! alas, my country!--each with a despatch box!
Oh, the serenity of Downing Street!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account