Then he began to talk in a low voice, very rapidly, with his head bent
forward like a hunted animal's. I am not going to set down what he told
me in his own words, for they were incoherent often, and there was much
repetition. But I am going to write the gist of the odd story which took
my sleep away on that autumn night, with such explanations and additions
as I think needful. The fire died down, the wind arose, the hour grew
late, and still he went on in his mumbling recitative. I forgot to
smoke, forgot my comfort,--everything but the odd figure of my friend
and his inconceivable romance. And the night before I had been in
cheerful Glenaicill!
* * * * * * *
He had returned to the House of More, he said, in the latter part of
May, and shortly after he fell ill. It was a trifling
sickness--influenza or something--but he had never quite recovered. The
rainy weather of June depressed him, and the extreme heat of July made
him listless and weary. A kind of insistent sleepiness hung over him,
and he suffered much from nightmare. Towards the end of July his former
health returned; but he was haunted with a curious oppression. He seemed
to himself to have lost the art of being alone. There was a perpetual
sound in his left ear, a kind of moving and rustling at his left side,
which never left him by night or day. In addition he had become the prey
of nerves and an insensate dread of the unknown.
Ladlaw, as I have explained, was a commonplace man, with fair talents, a
mediocre culture, honest instincts, and the beliefs and incredulities of
his class. On abstract grounds I should have declared him an unlikely
man to be the victim of a hallucination. He had a kind of dull,
bourgeois rationalism, which used to find reasons for all things in
heaven and earth. At first he controlled his dread with proverbs. He
told himself it was the sequel of his illness, or the light-headedness
of summer heat on the moors. But it soon outgrew his comfort. It became
a living second presence, an _alter ego_ which dogged his footsteps. He
became acutely afraid of it. He dared not be alone for a moment, and
clung to Sybil's company despairingly. She went off for a week's visit
in the beginning of August, and be endured for seven days the tortures
of the lost. His malady advanced upon him with swift steps. The presence
became more real daily. In the early dawning, in the twilight, and in
the first hours of the morning it seemed at times to take a visible
bodily form. A kind of amorphous featureless shadow would run from his
side into the darkness, and he would sit palsied with terror. Sometimes
in lonely places his footsteps sounded double, and something would brush
elbows with him. Human society alone exorcised it. With Sybil at his
side he was happy; but as soon as she left him the thing came slinking
back from the unknown to watch by him. Company might have saved him,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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