“Aha! So you think, my little man. But you would soon forget your promise if you got back into the land-world. For, if people only once found out that you had been up my backstairs, you would have all the fine ladies kneeling to you, and the rich men emptying their purses before you, and statesmen offering you place and power; and young and old, rich and poor, crying to you, ‘Only tell us the great backstairs secret, and we will be your slaves; we will make you lord, king, emperor, bishop, archbishop, pope, if you like—only tell us the secret of the backstairs. For thousands of years we have been paying, and petting, and obeying, and worshipping quacks who told us they had the key of the backstairs, and could smuggle us up them; and in spite of all our disappointments, we will honour, and glorify, and adore, and beatify, and translate, and apotheotise you likewise, on the chance of your knowing something about the backstairs, that we may all go on pilgrimage to it; and, even if we cannot get up it, lie at the foot of it, and cry— ‘_Oh_, _backstairs_, _precious backstairs_, _invaluable backstairs_, _requisite backstairs_, _necessary backstairs_, _good-natured backstairs_, _cosmopolitan backstairs_, _comprehensive backstairs_, _accommodating backstairs_, _well-bred backstairs_, _commercial backstairs_, _economical backstairs_, _practical backstairs_, _logical backstairs_, _deductive backstairs_, _comfortable backstairs_, _humane backstairs_, _reasonable backstairs_, _long-sought backstairs_, _coveted backstairs_, _aristocratic backstairs_, _respectable backstairs_, _gentlenmanlike backstairs_, _ladylike backstairs_, _orthodox backstairs_, _probable backstairs_, _credible backstairs_, _demonstrable backstairs_, _irrefragable backstairs_, _potent backstairs_, _all-but-omnipotent backstairs_, &c. Save us from the consequences of our own actions, and from the cruel fairy, Mrs. Bedonebyasyoudid!’ Do not you think that you would be a little tempted then to tell what you know, laddie?” Tom thought so certainly. “But why do they want so to know about the backstairs?” asked he, being a little frightened at the long words, and not understanding them the least; as, indeed, he was not meant to do, or you either. “That I shall not tell you. I never put things into little folks’ heads which are but too likely to come there of themselves. So come—now I must bandage your eyes.” So she tied the bandage on his eyes with one hand, and with the other she took it off. “Now,” she said, “you are safe up the stairs.” Tom opened his eyes very wide, and his mouth too; for he had not, as he thought, moved a single step. But, when he looked round him, there could be no doubt that he was safe up the backstairs, whatsoever they may be, which no man is going to tell you, for the plain reason that no man knows.