And a similar prohibitory tax on words derived from three or more languages at once; words derived from two languages having become so common that there was no more hope of rooting out them than of rooting out peth-winds. The Chancellor of the Exchequer, being a scholar and a man of sense, jumped at the notion; for he saw in it the one and only plan for abolishing Schedule D: but when he brought in his bill, most of the Irish members, and (I am sorry to say) some of the Scotch likewise, opposed it most strongly, on the ground that in a free country no man was bound either to understand himself or to let others understand him. So the bill fell through on the first reading; and the Chancellor, being a philosopher, comforted himself with the thought that it was not the first time that a woman had hit off a grand idea and the men turned up their stupid noses thereat. Now the doctors had it all their own way; and to work they went in earnest, and they gave the poor professor divers and sundry medicines, as prescribed by the ancients and moderns, from Hippocrates to Feuchtersleben, as below, viz.— 1. _Hellebore_, _to wit_— _Hellebore of Æta_. _Hellebore of Galatia_. _Hellebore of Sicily_. _And all other Hellebores_, _after the method of the Helleborising Helleborists of the Helleboric era_. _But that would not do_. _Bumpsterhausen’s blue follicles would not stir an inch out of his encephalo digital region_. 2. _Trying to find out what was the matter with him_, _after the method of Hippocrates_, _Aretæus_, _Celsus_, _Coelius Aurelianus_, _And Galen_. But they found that a great deal too much trouble, as most people have since; and so had recourse to— 3. _Borage_. _Cauteries_. Boring a hole in his head to let out fumes, which (says Gordonius) “will, without doubt, do much good.” But it didn’t. _Bezoar stone_. _Diamargaritum_. _A ram’s brain boiled in spice_. _Oil of wormwood_. _Water of Nile_. _Capers_. _Good wine_ (_but there was none to be got_). _The water of a smith’s forge_. _Ambergris_. _Mandrake pillows_. _Dormouse fat_. _Hares’ ears_. _Starvation_. _Camphor_. _Salts and senna_. _Musk_. _Opium_. _Strait-waistcoats_. _Bullyings_. _Bumpings_. _Bleedings_. _Bucketings with cold water_. _Knockings down_. _Kneeling on his chest till they broke it in_, _etc. etc._; _after the mediæval or monkish method_: _but that would not do_. _Bumpsterhausen’s blue follicles stuck there still_. Then— 4. _Coaxing_. _Kissing_. _Champagne and turtle_. _Red herrings and soda water_. _Good advice_. _Gardening_. _Croquet_. _Musical soirées_. _Aunt Salty_. _Mild tobacco_. _The Saturday Review_. _A carriage with outriders_, _etc. etc._ After the modern method. But that would not do.