Adventure stories; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
"Why, Harry, God save us all!" he cried, "have you gone horn-mad? It
is the most outrageous thing that ever was perpetrated. I vow and
protest, Harry, that you are gone stark mad to bring a thief and a
gypsy to my table to share your cups. It is unbearable, Harry, and
'fore God I will not have it. When this gets wind in the county they
will deride me to death. Lord, I shall get struck off the
justice-roll."
"Your petitioner will ever pray," says Harry, while simultaneously we
raised the distraught justice's good claret to our lips.
Taking my cue from the familiarity of my entertainer, I threw aside
restraint and adopted the attitude of a guest in lieu of the humbler
one of a prisoner. Continuing to gaze about completely at my ease,
says I, with that frank criticism that had been formerly so effective:
"Things are no longer what they were. This place hath deteriorated
since I was in it last. The city creeps into the ancestral hall;
cheesemongery obtrudes itself. Where formerly there were Old Masters
and French Tales, there are now Bibles and bad prints. But I rejoice
to see that some few of my ancestors are still faithful to their
old-time haunt. My parents, my grand parents, my uncles, my cousins
and my aunts, Vandycks, Lelys, and Knellers, and the devil knows who,
are still assembled here, even to the replica of Sir Peter's picture of
that nobleman, most illustrious of his race, who made a Commentary on
the _Analects of Confucius_, the original of which I last saw in the
shop of a Jew dealer the other day."
My singular acquaintance with the contents of his dining-room,
evidently far more extensive than his own, was not without its effect
on the justice.
"What is the meaning of all this, Harry?" he asked of my benefactor.
"What is the fel----what is the man talking of? What does the man mean
by his ancestors? Who ever heard such impudence, such effrontery?"
"Well, Tommie," says his frank friend, "I'll lay my last guinea that he
hath more right to call them his ancestors than their present owner."
"A murrain take you," says the justice, more purple than before, for
this was a stab in a tender place. "Will you never learn to control
your infernally long tongue? And yet again must I ask you not to
address me as Tommie when I am in the exercise of my high functions.
Thomas if you like, or my full title would be still better on these
occasions. The King would not have conferred it upon me, were it not
designed for use, and that he desired I should profit by it."
His friend nearly choked himself with laughter long before the justice
had come through this solemn homily. Indeed he could not recover his
breath until he had poured himself out another glass of wine, and had
refilled mine.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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