“Well, good-by,” said the other, rising, his long, angular figure
knocking awkwardly against chairs and tables as he went out, leaving
Justin lying there alone, with his head throbbing horribly. Yet,
strangely enough, in spite of it, his mind felt luminously clear, in
that a certain power seemed to have come to him—a power of correlating
all the events of the past eighteen months and placing them in their
relative sequence. A certain faith—the candid, boyish, unquestioning
faith in the adequacy of his knowledge of those whom he had called his
friends—was gone; the face of Leverich came to him, brutal in its
unveiled cupidity, showing what other men felt but concealed, yet his
own faith in honor and honesty remained, stronger and higher than ever
before. Nothing, he knew, could take it from him; it was a faith that he
had won from the battle with his own soul. If other so-called material
things had to go, then they had to—he couldn’t pay the price, for one!
He saw now that he had been foredoomed from the start. Men who ventured
on a capital controlled by others, hadn’t any chance of free movement.
By to-morrow night that note of Lewiston’s would be protested, and
then—the burning pain of failure gripped him in its racking clutches
once more, though he strove to fight it off. He would have to get well
quickly, so as to begin to hustle for a small clerkship somewhere, to
get bread for Lois and the babies. Men of his age who were successful
were sought for, but men of his age who were not had a pretty hard row
to hoe.
Lois was long gone—probably she was with the baby. He missed his
handkerchief, and rose and went over, with a swaying unsteadiness, to
his chiffonier drawer in the farther corner to get one. A pistol lying
there in its leather case, as it had done any time this five years, for
a reserve protection against burglars, caught his eyes. He took it out
of its case, examining the little weapon carefully, with his finger on
the trigger, half cocking it, to see if it needed oil. It was a pretty
little toy. Suddenly, as he held it there, leaning against the
chiffonier, his thin white face with its deep black shadows under the
eyes reflected by the high, narrow glass, the four walls faded away from
him, with their familiar objects; his face gleamed whiter and whiter;
the shadows grew blacker; only his eyes stared——
A room, noticed once a year and a half ago, came before him now with a
creeping, all-possessing distinctness—that loathsome, dreadful room
(long since renovated) which, with its unmentionable suggestion of
horror, had held him spellbound on that morning when he had begun his
career at the factory. It held him spellbound now, evilly, insidiously.
He stood by that blackened, ashy hearth in the foul room, with its damp,
mottled, rotting walls, his eyes fastened on that hideous sofa to which
he was drawn—drawn a little nearer and a little nearer; the thing in
his hand—did it move itself? Cold to his touch it moved——
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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