At the gate of the cemetery he fled from the little company. Dr. Leonard
wanted to return to the city with him, but he shook off the talkative
dentist. He must escape all sense of participation in the affair. So he
made the long journey in the cable train, thinking disconnectedly in unison
with the banging, jolting, grinding of the car. The panorama of his one
short year in Chicago rose bit by bit into his mind: the hospital, the
rich, bizarre town, the society of thirsty, struggling souls, always
rushing madly hither and thither, his love for the woman he had just left,
and this final distracting event.
What if she had doubled the dose of the anodyne? Probably the fellow was
abusive. It might have been some shameful extremity that had forced upon
her this act in self-defence. But such a situation would have called for
violence, some swift blow. The man had died in insidious calm. He had
counselled it, believed in it. But not that _she_--the woman he
loved--should be brave with that desperate courage. Yet it was over now,
beyond sight and thought, and he loved her--yes, loved her more than if it
had not been so.
Once in town, he felt intolerably lonely, as a busy man who has had his
round of little duties in a busy world soon comes to feel when any jar has
put him out of his usual course. As he sauntered among the strange faces of
the city streets, looking out for a familiar being, he began to realize how
completely he had cut himself off from the ordinary routine of life. He was
as much a stranger as if he had been dropped into the bustling crowd for
the first time. He had sat in judgment, and the world would give a fig for
his judgments. A week ago he might have taken refuge in a dozen houses.
To-night he stood upon street corners and wistfully eyed the passing
stream.
He walked to the river aimlessly, and then walked back, examining the blank
faces of the people. He spied through the lowered window of a carriage
Brome Porter and Carson, going in the direction of the Northwestern
station. The carriage skirted the curb near him, but the occupants were
looking the other way. He recalled that Carson had been induced to leave
the famous portrait on exhibition at the Art Institute. Whenever in the
future he might care to refresh his mind with the vision of this epitome of
success, he had but to drop into the dusky building on the lake front and
have it all--with the comment of the great artist.
As he moved on his restless course, he thought of Porter and Carson, of
Polot, and then of many others, whose faces came out of the memories of the
past year. How many of them were "good fellows," human and kind and strong!
They fought the world's fight, and fought it fairly. Could more be expected
of man? Could he be made to curb his passion for gain, to efface himself,
to refuse to take what his strong right hand had the power to grasp?
Perhaps the world was arranged merely to get the best out of strong
animals.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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