To this remorse for having consulted, under such circumstances, not his
conscience, but only his affection and compassion for that man, was
added the fear that the same influence would find him weak once more in
the second assault that he would have to repel. He did not suspect that,
with his inheritance as a love-child, he would display far greater
energy in defending his passion. In him the source of strength was not
in the reasoning power, it was in the heart. He was not to learn that
until he was put to the test. What he did know was that, with the most
imperative motives for making an irreparable breach between M. de
Claviers and himself, the opportunity had been offered him and he had
not grasped it. He could not do it. Those motives were still as strong
as ever. The affection by which he had allowed himself to be mastered
when he was on the point of doing what would set him free, was a wounded
and poisoned affection. It had made him incapable of inflicting great
suffering on that man. It would make him incapable of living with him,
as he would be called upon to do, every day, now that he was free. How
could he fail to say to himself again and again that, even outside the
binding engagement that he had entered into with Madame Olier, to throw
away this second opportunity to break with the marquis was to condemn
himself in the future to an endless succession of painful scenes in one
of which his secret would be discovered. M. de Claviers could not fail
to see that he had changed. He would be anxious about it. He would
investigate.
All this Landri told himself. His conclusion was that at any cost, and
at the earliest possible moment, the marquis must be informed of his
betrothal. And then he doubted his courage to make that declaration,
reminding himself how he had weakened, how he had suddenly lost heart on
the platform of the church at Hugueville, to which he had gone up with
such firm determination! Thereupon he wondered if it would not be the
safer way to take advantage of his arrest to write. Colonel Charbonnier
certainly would not depart from his customary severity so far as to
authorize him to receive a single visit, even from his father.
Consequently, if M. de Claviers were informed by letter of the marriage
engagement between Landri and Valentine, he would be unable to express
his dissatisfaction otherwise than by letter.
The lieutenant was too manly, despite the reflex action of a
sensitiveness that was very near being morbid, and he had too much
respect for his affection for Valentine, not to shrink from so cowardly
a proceeding. The explanation must be, should be, by word of mouth, from
man to man. It should take place the first time that he was alone with
the marquis; and to cut short a state of vacillation that humiliated
him, he said to himself aloud:--
"Yes, the very first time. I pledge my word of honor."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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