"No," the young man replied with extraordinary decision, "it is
impossible. One adopts a stranger, a kinsman, but not one like me."
Lowering his eyes, the child of sin repeated: "Not one like me! At this
moment it is your affection that is stirring and that speaks, not your
mind. These are not your--I make bold to say, our--convictions. To-day I
represent to you some one who is dear to you, and whom you are about to
lose. To-morrow, day after to-morrow, if we should be so weak, the thing
that I should soon come to represent to you again, would horrify you,
and me as well. I cannot consent. That name to which I have no right,
and which I bore so long, that stolen name, I will not take again, not
even from your hands." And, sorrowfully, he added: "Besides, even if I
had a right to it, I could not bear to live in France, now that I have
left the service. You say that you did not see clearly enough the good
that one in your station might do. The real truth is that, because of
that very station, you are condemned to inaction. But when you were of
my age, could a Claviers hope to see a government established in France
in which he could find employment? Such an expectation to-day would be
insane. And I need to be doing something. I long to work, to exert my
faculties. Where I am going, in that new country, I shall begin my life
anew, I shall found a family, without having to undergo the social
ostracism which seemed so cruel to me when I believed myself to be what
I was not. That again would prevent me from accepting, even if there
were not that falsehood, which you would never be able to endure. I
appeal to you yourself, to the head of the family, whom I have always
known as so unyielding, so irreconcilable, so hostile to any
compromise."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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