Lesbians -- England -- Social conditions -- Fiction
For none knew better than this little grey woman, the agony of mind that
must be endured when a sensitive, highly organized nature is first
brought face to face with its own affliction. None knew better the
terrible nerves of the invert, nerves that are always lying in wait.
Super-nerves, whose response is only equalled by the strain that calls
that response into being. Puddle was well acquainted with these
things—that was why she was deeply concerned about Stephen.
But all she could do, at least for the present, was to be very gentle
and very patient: ‘Drink this cocoa, Stephen, I made it myself—’ And
then with a smile, ‘I put four lumps of sugar!’
Then Stephen was pretty sure to turn contrite: ‘Puddle—I’m a
brute—you’re so good to me always.’
‘Rubbish! I know you like cocoa made sweet, that’s why I put in those
four lumps of sugar. Let’s go for a really long walk, shall we, dear?
I’ve been wanting a really long walk now for weeks.’
Liar—most kind and self-sacrificing liar! Puddle hated long walks,
especially with Stephen who strode as though wearing seven league boots,
and whose only idea of a country walk was to take her own line across
ditches and hedges—yes, indeed, a most kind and self-sacrificing liar!
For Puddle was not quite so young as she had been; at times her feet
would trouble her a little, and at times she would get a sharp twinge in
her knee, which she shrewdly suspected to be rheumatism. Nevertheless
she must keep close to Stephen because of the fear that tightened her
heart—the fear of that questioning, wounded expression which now never
left the girl’s eyes for a moment. So Puddle got out her most practical
shoes—her heaviest shoes which were said to be damp-proof—and limped
along bravely by the side of her charge, who as often as not ignored her
existence.
There was one thing in all this that Puddle found amazing, and that was
Anna’s apparent blindness. Anna appeared to notice no change in Stephen,
to feel no anxiety about her. As always, these two were gravely polite
to each other, and as always they never intruded. Still, it did seem to
Puddle an incredible thing that the girl’s own mother should have
noticed nothing. And yet so it was, for Anna had gradually been growing
more silent and more abstracted. She was letting the tide of life carry
her gently towards that haven on which her thoughts rested. And this
blindness of hers troubled Puddle sorely, so that anger must often give
way to pity.
She would think: ‘God help her, the sorrowful woman; she knows
nothing—why didn’t he tell her? It was cruel!’ And then she would
think: ‘Yes, but God help Stephen if the day ever comes when her mother
does know—what will happen on that day to Stephen?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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