Lesbians -- England -- Social conditions -- Fiction
But Anna could not let Stephen alone, could never keep off the topic of
Martin. She would talk at the girl until she grew crimson; and seeing
this, Sir Philip would frown darkly, and when he and his wife were alone
in their bedroom he would often reproach her with violence.
‘Cruel—it’s abominably cruel of you, Anna. Why in God’s name must you
go on nagging Stephen?’
Anna’s taut nerves would tighten to breaking, so that she, when she
answered, must also speak with violence.
One night he said abruptly: ‘Stephen won’t marry—I don’t want her to
marry; it would only mean disaster.’
And at this Anna broke out in angry protest. Why shouldn’t Stephen
marry? She wished her to marry. Was he mad? And what did he mean by
disaster? No woman was ever complete without marriage—what on earth did
he mean by disaster? He frowned and refused to answer her question.
Stephen, he said, must go up to Oxford. He had set his heart on a good
education for the child, who might some day become a fine writer.
Marriage wasn’t the only career for a woman. Look at Puddle, for
instance; she’d been at Oxford—a most admirable, well-balanced,
sensible creature. Next year he was going to send Stephen to Oxford.
Anna scoffed: Yes, indeed, he might well look at Puddle! She was what
came of this higher education—a lonely, unfulfilled, middle-aged
spinster. Anna didn’t want that kind of life for her daughter.
And then: ‘It’s a pity you can’t be frank, Philip, about what was said
that night in your study. I feel that there’s something you’re keeping
back from me—it’s so unlike Martin to behave as he has done; there must
have been something that you haven’t told me, to have made him go off
without even a letter—’
He flared up at once because he felt guilty. ‘I don’t care a damn about
Martin!’ he said hotly. ‘All I care about is Stephen, and she’s going to
Oxford next year; she’s my child as well as yours, Anna!’
Then quite suddenly Anna’s self-control left her, and she let him see
into her tormented spirit; all that had lain unspoken between them she
now put into crude, ugly words for his hearing: ‘You care nothing for me
any more—you and Stephen are enleagued against me—you have been for
years.’ Aghast at herself, she must yet go on speaking: ‘You and
Stephen—oh, I’ve seen it for years—you and Stephen.’ He looked at her,
and there was warning in his eyes, but she babbled on wildly: ‘I’ve seen
it for years—the cruelty of it; she’s taken you from me, my own
child—the unspeakable cruelty of it!’
‘Cruelty, yes, but not Stephen’s, Anna—it’s yours; for in all the
child’s life you’ve never loved her.’
Ugly, degrading, rather terrible half-truths; and he knew the whole
truth, yet he dared not speak it. It is bad for the soul to know itself
a coward, it is apt to take refuge in mere wordy violence.
‘Yes, you, her mother, you persecute Stephen, you torment her; I
sometimes think you hate her!’
‘Philip—good God!’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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