The Wellfields: A novel. Vol. 3 of 3Fothergill, Jessie
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The Wellfields: A novel. Vol. 3 of 3
Fothergill, Jessie
English fiction -- 19th century
It was evening of the same day. Sara sat down in the quaint old salon,
in the flickering firelight. There was an open English grate in which
pine-logs were burnt, for the appearance of comfort; and there was
likewise a porcelain stove to produce the reality of it. She had sent
away the servant who came with lights, saying she would ring when she
wanted them; and now, with her cheek propped on her hand, she sat and
gazed into the fire–into the red map of the land of dreams. It was
indeed a vague, aimless dream in which she was lost; and yet there was
an undercurrent of passion about it, a solid basis to the vision. That
letter from Rio, which she had had that morning, which lay open in
her hands now, which she had just been reading, and which had wafted
her on its thin pages away from this place altogether. She pictured
to herself tropical climes and South American forests. Could he be
perhaps wandering with his friend in the solemn, desolate splendour
and luxuriance of such a forest, even now? At least, wherever he was,
he was hundreds of leagues away from her. She had visions of stately
vessels borne onwards by soft south-western gales–gentle gales.
So, equally, she could see, in the map that was constantly changing
its boundaries by a process of crumbling, visions of fair and busy
cities–foreign cities, full of pleasure and gaiety, most beautiful to
behold, but all a very long way off–hundreds, yea, thousands of miles
away.
The great distance, the feeling that if anyone asked her, ‘Where is he
now?’ she could only answer, ‘I know not!’ weighed her down with an
unspeakable despondency. Then, like a flash of fire across this chill
mood of resignation, darted a longing, intense and uncontrollable, to
have him there, at that very moment. Oh, if he would but come! If he
would but come! Could he not understand the meaning her last letters
had tried to convey? Could he not read, ‘I love you,’ between the
lines? This intense, concentrated longing for the bodily presence
of some deeply-loved personality is a painful thing when one longs
and goes on longing in spite of the secure knowledge that no amount
of longing will bring that person to one. Thus it was with her. She
covered her face with her hands presently, and her heart throbbed. Did
he in this moment experience half of the same feeling? If she could
have thought it, she would have felt almost satisfied. But how could
he? She raised her head, and looked round the room–her favourite,
because it was into it that he had led her and Countess Carla, on that
far back, happy red-letter day whose full worth and meaning she had
only within the last weeks began really to realise.
‘Could not a miracle happen?’ she thought; ‘could not he have followed
quickly on the footsteps of his letter, and–but heaven forgive my
presumption! Why should such notice be taken of _me_?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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