England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
In the semi-delirium of her illness, whilst waiting in torment for the
assurance that Carnaby had kept her secret, she more than once prayed
for Sibyl's death. In her normal state of mind Alma prayed for nothing;
she could not hope that Sibyl's life would come to a convenient end;
but as often as she thought of her, it was with a vehemence of
malignity which fired her imagination to all manner of ruthless
extremes. It revolted her to look back upon the time when she sat at
that woman's feet, a disciple, an affectionate admirer, allowing
herself to be graciously patronised, counselled, encouraged. The repose
of manner which so impressed her, the habitual serenity of mood, the
unvarying self-confidence--oh, these were excellent qualities when it
came to playing the high part of cold and subtle hypocrisy! She knew
Sibyl, and could follow the workings of her mind: a woman incapable of
love, or of the passion which simulates it; worshipping herself,
offering luxuries to her cold flesh as to an idol; scornful of the
possibility that she might ever come to lack what she desired; and, at
the critical moment, prompt to secure herself against such danger by
the smiling, cynical acceptance of whatsoever shame. Alma had no small
gift of intuition; proved by the facility and fervour with which she
could adapt her mind to widely different conceptions of life. This
characteristic, aided by the perspicacity which is bestowed upon every
jealous woman, perchance enabled her to read the mysterious Sibyl with
some approach to exactness. Were it so, prudence should have warned her
against a struggle for mere hatred's sake with so formidable an
antagonist. But the voice of caution had never long audience with Alma,
and was not likely, at any given moment, to prevail against a transport
of her impetuous soul.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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