Miss Lanyon lived at Woodlands, where sometimes Ella and sometimes
Dorothy stayed with her; and now and then for change of scene went
Sylvester. He could not realise the old man's dream, and live there,
devoting himself to research, but it comforted him to know that the
house had not passed into alien hands. His own home in Weymouth Street
was gladdened by a child's presence, and the spirit of its desolation
departed. Instinctively he felt that it was too gloomy for a child,
and with the pathetic helplessness of an inartistic man who had never
concerned himself about such things, he took her with him to choose new
wall papers, curtains, and rugs. Perhaps the result was incongruous, but
at any rate it was bright, and pleased the choosers mightily.
The effect of the great revolution in Sylvester's attitude to life
gradually grew more apparent. The intense humanity of his profession won
to his heart now that the barriers of ice were melted. The intellectual
problem which it had been his duty to solve became the hurt to a
suffering creature which it was his privilege to heal. A new tenderness
softened his nature. The gift of speech came to him as by the miracle of
the gift of tongues. To his great wonder, the society of ordinary kindly
men and women, from which in a general way he had shrunk all his life
through shyness and reserve, and which in positive misanthropy he had
afterwards shunned, gradually appeared to him a sweet and pleasant
thing, until he recognised it as a necessity in his existence. And
old feelings, sweeter, sadder, infinitely deeper than of old, were
reawakened.
How it came about he knew not. When he had parted from Ella after his
father's funeral, he did not love her. He had realised the irrevocable
loss of a happiness that might have been, and that was all. Then on her
return from the south of France late in the spring he had seen her and
spoken with her, and she had been kind. A month afterwards he had seen
her again, and once more six months after that,--for they rarely met.
And then he knew that she was the one woman in the world for him, and
that the love for which he had kissed her years ago was as moonlight
unto the sunlight of his present love.
Once more they had met, and he told her.
“How can I love you when you have done so much to hurt me?” she said.
“I don't ask for your love,” he urged.
“You do,” she replied with a smile of wisdom. “Don't deceive yourself,
Syl.”
“Well, then, I will make you love me.”
“Don't speak like that,” she said with a shiver. “It is horrible to make
a woman love. There is no woman made to love that does not repent it in
shame and misery.”
“But you once did love me.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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