For a mistake of her youth, for the giving of her heart
when only her body had been coveted, she had paid the price of menial
position, of isolation, of spiritual degradation. She realized that
speedily she must face the town asking work with which to keep up her
long-time pretense of being self-supporting.
Her stomach reminded her that she must have food, or very speedily,
torturing headache would ensue. Marcia sat down on the mattress, took
her head between her hands, and for the first time in eighteen years
thought about herself instead of Martin Moreland. Suddenly there came to
her the sickening realization that she was no longer young. Looking her
mental problem in the face, she admitted that she was thirty-six. As
youth was reckoned in her day, a woman was considered reasonably aged at
forty. No doubt this was Martin Moreland’s first step in letting her
know that her reign was over. In retrospect, what a sorry reign it had
been!—veiled suspicion, mental humiliation, isolating employment,
heart-hunger for freedom to lift up her head and walk abroad with pride.
She felt reasonably certain that the problem facing her now was not one
of further concealment, but the necessity of being equal to taking over
the entire care of herself and making provision for hopeless old age.
Under the urge of hunger, she arose, found her hat, straightened her
clothing as best she could, and hunted her mirror. Setting it up, she
studied herself, not the self that Jason had known for nearly sixteen
years, but the secret self which was her real self—Marcia Peters without
the disfiguration of unbecomingly dressed hair and concealing clothing.
Every fibre of womanhood in her being rebelled against a return to the
disguise in which she had faced Jason and Ashwater all her life with
Martin Moreland. In starting a new life, in strange environment, whether
as formerly or alone, why should she not appear before the people as she
was? Why should she not seek occupation less humiliating than that of
washing the dirty clothes of another village? Staring into the mirror
and thinking, Marcia began pulling out drawers from her dresser, and
when she emerged from the house presently and locked its door behind
her, she was not a figure that Jason would have recognized before his
night of illumination.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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