Bildungsromans; Midlands (England) -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
“Do you know——” and he smiled timidly in confession, “I feel alarmed at
the idea of being left alone on a loose end. I must not be the last to
leave——” he added almost appealingly.
“And you will go to Meg?” I asked.
He sat tearing the silken shavings into shreds, and telling me in
clumsy fragments all he could of his feelings:
“You see it’s not so much what you call love. I don’t know. You see I
built on Lettie,”—he looked up at me shamefacedly, then continued
tearing the shavings—“you must found your castles on something, and I
founded mine on Lettie. You see, I’m like plenty of folks, I have
nothing definite to shape my life to. I put brick upon brick, as they
come, and if the whole topples down in the end, it does. But you see,
you and Lettie have made me conscious, and now I’m at a dead loss. I
have looked to marriage to set me busy on my house of life, something
whole and complete, of which it will supply the design. I must marry or
be in a lost lane. There are two people I could marry—and Lettie’s
gone. I love Meg just as well, as far as love goes. I’m not sure I
don’t feel better pleased at the idea of marrying her. You know I
should always have been second to Lettie, and the best part of love is
being made much of, being first and foremost in the whole world for
somebody. And Meg’s easy and lovely. I can have her without trembling,
she’s full of soothing and comfort. I can stroke her hair and pet her,
and she looks up at me, full of trust and lovingness, and there is no
flaw, all restfulness in one another——”
Three weeks later, as I lay in the August sunshine in a deck-chair on
the lawn, I heard the sound of wheels along the gravel path. It was
George calling for me to accompany him to his marriage. He pulled up
the dog-cart near the door and came up the steps to me on the lawn. He
was dressed as if for the cattle market, in jacket and breeches and
gaiters.
“Well, are you ready?” he said standing smiling down on me. His eyes
were dark with excitement, and had that vulnerable look which was so
peculiar to the Saxtons in their emotional moments.
“You are in good time,” said I, “it is but half past nine.”
“It wouldn’t do to be late on a day like this,” he said gaily, “see how
the sun shines. Come, you don’t look as brisk as a best man should. I
thought you would have been on tenterhooks of excitement. Get up, get
up! Look here, a bird has given me luck”—he showed me a white smear on
his shoulder.
I drew myself up lazily.
“All right,” I said, “but we must drink a whisky to establish it.”
He followed me out of the fragrant sunshine into the dark house. The
rooms were very still and empty, but the cool silence responded at once
to the gaiety of our sunwarm entrance. The sweetness of the summer
morning hung invisible like glad ghosts of romance through the shadowy
room. We seemed to feel the sunlight dancing golden in our veins as we
filled again the pale liqueur.
“Joy to you—I envy you to-day.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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