The Whole Family: a Novel by Twelve AuthorsHowells, William Dean
General
The Whole Family: a Novel by Twelve Authors
Howells, William Dean
Domestic fiction
I was glad when she went off to college, because, though she's a
kind-hearted girl, she was so peevish and untalkative it made me tired.
I think people ought to be cheerful around their own homes. But the
family didn't seem to see it; there are such a lot of us that you have
to blow a trumpet before you get any special notice--except me, when
I don't wash my hands. Yet, what's the use of washing your hands when
you're certain to get them dirty again in five minutes?
Well, then, awhile ago Peggy wrote she was engaged to Harry Goward, and
there was great excitement in the happy home. My people are mobile in
their temperatures, anyway--a little thing stirs them up. I thought it
was queerish, but I didn't know but Peggy had changed her mind about
loving Dr. Denbigh till she died. I should think that was too long
myself. I was busy getting my saddle mended and a new bridle, so I
didn't have time for gossip.
Harry came to visit the family, and the minute I inspected him over I
knew he was a sissy. If you'll believe me, that grown-up man can't chin
himself. He sings and paints apple blossoms, but he fell three-cornered
over a fence that I vaulted. He may be fascinating, as Lorraine says,
but he isn't worth saving, in my judgments. I said so to Dr. Denbigh one
day when he picked me up in his machine and brought me home from school,
and he was sympathetic and asked intelligent questions--at least, some
of them were; some of them were just slow remarks about if Peggy
seemed to be very happy, and that sort of stuff that doesn't have any
foundations. I told him particularly that I like automobiles, and he
thought a minute, and then said:
“If you were going to be playing near the Whitman station to-morrow I'd
pick you up and take you on a twenty-mile spin. I'm lunching with some
people near Whitman, and going on to Elmville.”
“Oh, pickles!” said I. “Will you, really? Of course, I'll be there.
I'll drive over with the expressman--he's a friend of mine--right after
lunch,” I said, “and I'll wait around the station for you.”
So I did that, and while I was waiting I saw Aunt Elizabeth coming--I
saw her first, so I hid--I was afraid if she saw me she'd find out I
was going with Dr. Denbigh and snatch him herself. I heard her sending
a crazy telegram to Harry Goward, and then I forgot all about it until I
wanted to distract Alice's mind off some cookies that I'd accumulated at
Lorraine's house. Alice is a pig. She never lets me stuff in peace. So I
told her about the telegram--I knew Alice would be perturbed with that.
She just loves to tell things, but she made me tell Peggy, and there was
a hullabaloo promptly. Nobody confided a word to me, and I didn't care
much, but I saw them all whispering in low tones and being very busy
about it, and Peg looking madder than a goat, and I guessed that Alice
had made me raise Cain.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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