The will to live (Les Roquevillard) : $b A novelBordeaux, Henry
General
The will to live (Les Roquevillard) : $b A novel
Bordeaux, Henry
Elopement -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; France -- Fiction; French fiction -- Translations into English
In their room there she was sleeping still, deliciously tired. In an
hour, in two hours, perhaps sooner, when she rose to come and join him,
she would find his cruel letter on the dressing-table, telling her in
tender words that the moment for their separation had come. She would
not understand it quite at once. The papers enclosed in the envelope
would tell her more. They were the hotel bill, paid and receipted,
some banknotes, and a receipt for the money deposited in her name
with the International Bank of Milan, the sum completed by Margaret
Roquevillard’s cheque which Maurice had endorsed to her. By these she
would see what it was that had come between them and broken her sway.
The family which she had vanquished was recapturing her lover. She
would give a great cry of sorrow then. However far away he might be
from her, he should hear her cry resounding in his ears....
In the woods the moonlight was losing itself in the light of morning.
The hour was passing. He leant against one of the columns, and could
not make up his mind to go.
“Where did I get the courage,” he asked himself, “to break her heart
and mine? She is there, quite near me yet. If I go back again she’ll
never know. Her waking will be sweet and easy. But no, I shall
never see her again. There are ties that love cannot obliterate.
Happiness, I can understand it now, is not one’s right. I wound
her, yet I love her. The wrong she did me was involuntary. I don’t
remember anything but having felt life near her, of having lived it
near her each minute to the full; and yet I can’t stay near her now
any more. Do you remember our first days, Edith? You gave me some
flowers the first evening. And then you gave me your lips, as sweet
as flowers, and were glad to give them. When you said to me, ‘I will
be yours, but yours alone, when you want me,’ I could feel even
then your caresses that made you one flesh with mine. Because you are
too sensitive to love’s touch, because even now when I am going to
make you suffer, I tremble for your frailty, tremble for the future,
oh, Edith, don’t think I love you less. When I realise that for that
very thing in you I may lose you one day, Edith, I ought not to think
this of you, yet perhaps I love you all the more. What memories shall
you keep of me? Between two autumns our love has run its course. You
preferred this autumn season, when nature’s mood is high. I found its
gold again in your eyes, and its fever in your arms. I discovered
enthusiasm in it, and desire. Now it is like the chrysanthemums in the
cemetery at Orta for me. It covers Death. Yes, death, you understand. I
have not said good-bye to you, yet all is over for us. It is like death
for us. You will weep as you have been used to do. You’ll talk, you’ll
walk, you’ll be for others a living creature, a being of grace and
youth: but for me, who shall know nothing more of you, you will be as
if you had died. It might be better if you were dead indeed: you would
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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