"No?" The Countess smiled vaguely, questioningly. She opened her lips
to say more, but changed her mind and in an altered tone declared, "My
dear boy, if you understood fully what I'm driving at you'd be
insufferable." Laying her warm hand over his, she continued: "You
resent what you call my 'motherly way,' but if I were sixteen and you
were forty it would be just the same. Women who are afflicted with that
sex appeal become men's playthings; the man who possesses it always
remains a 'boy' to the woman who loves him--a bad boy, a dangerous boy,
perhaps, but a boy, nevertheless. She may, and probably will, adore him
fiercely, passionately, jealously, but at the same time she will hover
him as a hen hovers her chick. He will be both son and lover to her."
He had listened closely, but now he stirred uneasily. "I don't follow
you," he said. "And it isn't exactly pleasant for a fellow to be told
that he's a baby Don Juan, to be called a male vampire in
knee-pants--especially by the woman he's going to marry." Disregarding
her attempt to speak, he went on: "What you said about other women--the
way you said it--sounded almost as if--well, as if you expected there
would be such, and didn't greatly care. You didn't mean it that way, I
hope. You do care, don't you, dear? You do love me?" The face Phillips
turned upon the Countess Courteau was earnest, worried.
Her fingers tightened over his hand. When she spoke there was a certain
listlessness, a certain fatigue in her tone. "Do you need to ask that
after--what happened just now? Of course I care. I care altogether too
much. That's the whole trouble. You see, the thing has run away with
me, Pierce; it has carried me off my feet, and--that's precisely the
point I'm trying to make."
He slipped an arm about her waist and drew her close. "I knew it wasn't
merely an animal appeal that stirred you. I knew it was something
bigger and more lasting than that."
"Even yet you don't understand," she declared. "The two may go together
and--" But without allowing her to finish he said, vibrantly:
"Whatever it is, you seem to find it an obstacle, an objection. Why
struggle against the inevitable? You ARE struggling--I've seen you
fighting something ever since that first night when truth came to us
out of the storm. But, Hilda dear, I adore you. You're the most
wonderful creature in the world! You're a goddess! I feel unworthy to
touch the hem of your garments, but I know--that you are mine! Nothing
else matters. Think of the miracle, the wonder of it! It's like a
beautiful dream. I've had doubts about myself, and that's why I've let
matters drift. You see, I was a sort of unknown quantity, but now I
know that I've found myself. To-day I went through hell and--I came out
a man. I'm going to play a man's part right along after this." He urged
her eagerly. "We've a hard trip ahead of us before we reach Dawson;
winter may overtake us and delay us. We can't continue in this way. Why
wait any longer?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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