Love stories, German; Sisters -- Fiction; Suicide victims -- Fiction
her nervous system was sensible to lesser shocks, and what only caused
others a slight irritation, was to her already a lash of the whip. Such
natures are often somewhat morbid, they incline towards melancholy and
hysteria, and their soul-life is governed by imaginations, which, in
the eyes of others, are apt to assume the character of fixed ideas. And
yet everything about them is strictly normal, indeed their organism
works even more accurately than that of the ordinary, average human
being, and if one were to place them, like delicate chemical scales
under a glass case, one might see them work wonders. As a rule a
certain weakness of purpose cleaves to this class of sensitive people,
which makes them shyly retreat into themselves at the slightest
extraneous touch--and this is lucky for them; for thus they are saved
all violent collision with the outer world, to which they would not,
after all, prove equal. But woe to those among them who are driven by
some impetuous desire, some mighty passion, straight among rocks and
thorns! Then it is very possible that an adhering thorn, which others
would hardly have noticed, may become to them a poisoned arrow, and
corrode their body and soul till they perish in consequence. There,
now, I have talked enough. Here lie two or three more sheets. Listen!
Here we shall learn how one may be ruined by a wish."
VIII.
"Of that which now followed, I have only retained a vague recollection.
I remember that I suddenly uttered a shriek, which made even Martha
start up, that I flung myself down at her bedside, clutched her burning
hands, and continued to cry out, 'Save me! save me! wake up!'
"And then again I find myself in a different room, into which Robert
has taken me. I remember how, there, in the looking-glass, I recognised
my distorted face, bathed in the perspiration of terror, how I burst
into a laugh, and, shuddering at my own laughter, sank all in a heap,
and how all the while, chuckling and hissing with a thousand covetous
voices, there came sounding in my ears the wish: 'Oh, that she might
die!' How shall I describe it all, without being hunted to death by the
spectres of that night?
"The only clear remembrance that I still retain is that suddenly the
doctor's dear old face was bending over me, that I had to drink
something that tasted bitter, and--then I know nothing more.
* * * * *
"When I awoke the pale light of dawn gleamed through the windows. My
head ached, I looked around dazed, and then it seemed as if I saw
written on the whitewashed wall opposite, the words: 'Oh, that she
might die!'
"I shuddered, and then the thought rose within me: 'Now, if she dies,
it will be your wish which has murdered her.'
"I pulled myself together, and walked up to the looking-glass.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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