He gets der measles und der mumbs, Und eferyding dot's oudt; He sbills mine glass off lager bier, Poots schnuff indo mine kraut. He fills mine pipe mit Limburg cheese,-- Dot vas der roughest chouse: I'd dake dot vrom no oder poy But leedle Yawcob Strauss. He dakes der milk-ban for a dhrum, Und cuts mine cane in dwo, To make der schticks to beat it mit,-- Mine cracious, dot vas drue! I dinks mine hed vas schplit abart, He kicks oup sooch a touse: But nefer mind; der poys vas few Like dot young Yawcob Strauss. He asks me questions sooch as dese: Who baints mine nose so red? Who vas it cuts dot schmoodth blace oudt Vrom der hair ubon mine hed? Und vhere der plaze goes vrom der lamp Vene'er der glim I douse. How gan I all dose dings eggsblain To dot schmall Yawcob Strauss? I somedimes dink I schall go vild Mit sooch a grazy poy, Und vish vonce more I gould haf rest, Und beaceful dimes enshoy; But ven he vas ashleep in ped, So guiet as a mouse, I prays der Lord, "Dake anyding, But leaf dot Yawcob Strauss." SEFFY AND SALLY BY JOHN LUTHER LONG The place was the porch of the store, the time was about ten o'clock in the morning of a summer day, the people were the amiable loafers--and Old Baumgartner. The person he was discoursing about was his son Sephenijah. I am not sure that the name was not the ripe fruit of his father's fancy--with, perhaps, the Scriptural suggestion which is likely to be present in the affairs of a Pennsylvania-German--whether a communicant or not--even if he live in Maryland. "Yas--always last; expecial at funerals and weddings. Except his own--he's sure to be on time at his own funeral. Right out in front! Hah? But sometimes he misses his wedding. Why, I knowed a feller--yous all knowed him, begoshens!--that didn't git there tell another feller'd married her--'bout more'n a year afterward. Wasn't it more'n a year, boys? Yas--Bill Eisenkrout. Or, now, was it his brother--Baltzer Iron-Cabbage? Seems to me now like it was Baltz. Somesing wiss a B at the front end, anyhow." Henry Wasserman diffidently intimated that there was a curious but satisfactory element of safety in being last--a "fastnacht" in their language, in fact. Those in front were the ones usually hurt in railroad accidents, Alexander Althoff remembered. "Safe?" cried the speaker. "Of course! But for why--say, for why?" Old Baumgartner challenged defiantly. No one answered and he let several impressive minutes intervene. "You don't know! Hang you, none of yous knows! Well--because he ain't there when anysing occurs--always a little late!" They agreed with him by a series of sage nods.