American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
The Lady hesitated, and looked Dubiously at the Silk, for she knew it
was Beyond her Means.
The Shopman Continued: "Very Cheap at the Price, and I have Only this
One Dress Pattern remaining. You will Take it? Yes? Certainly, I will
Send it at Once."
The Lady went away filled with Deep Regret because she had squandered
her Money so Foolishly, and wished she had been Firm in her Refusal to
buy the Goods.
The Other Lady saw a similar Silk. She felt it Between her Fingers,
Measured its Width with her Eye, and then said Impulsively, "Oh, That is
just What I Want. I will Take Twenty Yards."
No Sooner was the Silk cut off than the Lady felt Sharp Twinges of
Remorse, for she knew she must Pay for it with the Money she had Saved
Up for a new Dining-Room Carpet.
MORALS:
This Fable teaches that the Woman Who Deliberates Is Lost, and That We
Should Think Twice Before We Speak Once.
THE DIAMOND WEDDING
BY EDMUND CLARENCE STEDMAN
O Love! Love! Love! What times were those,
Long ere the age of belles and beaux,
And Brussels lace and silken hose,
When, in the green Arcadian close,
You married Psyche under the rose,
With only the grass for bedding!
Heart to heart, and hand to hand,
You followed Nature's sweet command,
Roaming lovingly through the land,
Nor sighed for a Diamond Wedding.
So have we read in classic Ovid,
How Hero watched for her beloved,
Impassioned youth, Leander.
She was the fairest of the fair,
And wrapt him round with her golden hair,
Whenever he landed cold and bare,
With nothing to eat and nothing to wear,
And wetter than any gander;
For Love was Love, and better than money;
The slyer the theft, the sweeter the honey;
And kissing was clover, all the world over,
Wherever Cupid might wander.
So thousands of years have come and gone,
And still the moon is shining on,
Still Hymen's torch is lighted;
And hitherto, in this land of the West,
Most couples in love have thought it best
To follow the ancient way of the rest,
And quietly get united.
But now, True Love, you're growing old--
Bought and sold, with silver and gold,
Like a house, or a horse and carriage!
Midnight talks,
Moonlight walks,
The glance of the eye and sweetheart sigh,
The shadowy haunts, with no one by,
I do not wish to disparage;
But every kiss
Has a price for its bliss,
In the modern code of marriage;
And the compact sweet
Is not complete
Till the high contracting parties meet
Before the altar of Mammon;
And the bride must be led to a silver bower,
Where pearls and rubies fall in a shower
That would frighten Jupiter Ammon!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account