American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
He was now growing frankly pleased with his exploit. He had builded so
much better than he knew. He got up and looked out across the crystal
world of light. "The Doctor is at one-mile crossing," he said. "He'll
get breakfast at the N-lazy-Y." Then he returned and sat again on my
bed, and began to give me his real heart. "I never set up for being
better than others. Not even to myself. My thoughts ain't apt to travel
around making comparisons. And I shouldn't wonder if my memory took as
much notice of the meannesses I have done as of--as of the other
actions. But to have to sit like a dumb lamb and let a stranger tell y'u
for an hour that yu're a hawg and a swine, just after you have acted in
a way which them that know the facts would call pretty near white--"
[Footnote 3: Reprinted from Mr. Owen Wister's "The Virginian."
Copyright, 1902-1904, by The Macmillan Company.]
AN APRIL ARIA
BY R.K. MUNKITTRICK
Now, in the shimmer and sheen that dance on the leaf of the lily,
Causing the bud to explode, and gilding the poodle's chinchilla,
Gladys cavorts with the rake, and hitches the string to the lattice,
While with the trowel she digs, and gladdens the heart of the shanghai.
Now, while the vine twists about the ribs of the cast-iron Pallas,
And, on the zephyr afloat, the halcyon soul of the borax
Blends with the scent of the soap, the brush of the white-washer's
flying
E'en as the chicken-hawk flies when ready to light on its quarry.
Out in the leaf-dappled wood the dainty hepatica's blowing,
While the fiend hammers the rug from Ispahan, Lynn, or Woonsocket,
And the grim furnace is out, and over the ash heap and bottles
Capers the "Billy" in glee, becanning his innermost Billy.
Now the blue pill is on tap, and likewise the sarsaparilla,
And on the fence and the barn, quite worthy of S. Botticelli,
Frisk the lithe leopard and gnu, in malachite, purple, and crimson,
That we may know at a glance the circus is out on the rampage.
Put then the flannels away and trot out the old linen duster,
Pack the bob-sled in the barn, and bring forth the baseball and racket,
For the spry Spring is on deck, performing her roseate breakdown
Unto the tune of the van that rattles and bangs on the cobbles.
MEDITATIONS OF A MARINER[4]
BY WALLACE IRWIN
A-watchin' how the sea behaves
For hours and hours I sit;
And I know the sea is full o' waves--
I've often noticed it.
For on the deck each starry night
The wild waves and the tame
I counts and knows 'em all by sight
And some of 'em by name.
And then I thinks a cove like me
Ain't got no right to roam;
For I'm homesick when I puts to sea
And seasick when I'm home.
[Footnote 4: From "Nautical Lays of a Landsman," by Wallace Irwin.
Copyright, 1904, by Dodd, Mead & Co.]
VICTORY[5]
BY TOM MASSON
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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