American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"You can look at that machine in front of you while I am gone. I tell
you frankly, that there haint another machine equal to it in America; it
requires no strength at all; infants can run it for days at a time; or
idiots; if anybody knows enough to set and whistle, they can run this
machine; and it's especially adapted to the blind--blind people can run
it jest as well as them that can see. A blind woman last year, in one
day, made 43 dollars a makin' leather aprons; stitched them all round
the age two rows. She made two dozen of 'em, and then she made four
dozen gauze veils the same day, without changin' the needle. That is one
of the beauties of the machine, its goin' from leather to lace, and back
again, without changin' the needle. It is so tryin' for wimmen, every
time they want to go from leather to gauze and book muslin, to have to
change the needle; but you can see for yourself that it haint got its
equal in North America."
He heerd the colt whinner, and Josiah stood up in the wagon, and looked
after it. So he started off down the cross road.
And we sot there, feelin' considerable like a procession; Josiah holdin'
the stranger's horse, and I the old mare; and as we sot there, up driv
another slick lookin' chap, and I bein' ahead, he spoke to me, and says
he:
"Can you direct me, mom, to Josiah Allen's house?"
"It is about a mile from here," and I added in a friendly tone, "Josiah
is my husband."
"Is he?" says he, in a genteel tone.
"Yes," says I, "we have been to Jonesville, and our colt run down that
cross road, and--"
"I see," says he interruptin' of me, "I see how it is." And then he went
on in a lower tone, "If you think of buyin' a sewin' machine, don't git
one of that feller in the wagon behind you--I know him well; he is one
of the most worthless shacks in the country, as you can plainly see by
the looks of his countenance. If I ever see a face in which knave and
villain is wrote down, it is on hisen. Any one with half an eye can see
that he would cheat his grandmother out of her snuff handkerchief, if he
got a chance."
He talked so fast that I couldn't git a chance to put in a word age ways
for Josiah.
"His sewin' machines are utterly worthless; he haint never sold one yet;
he cant. His character has got out--folks know him. There was a lady
tellin' me the other day that her machine she bought of him, all fell to
pieces in less than twenty-four hours after she bought it; fell onto her
infant, a sweet little babe, and crippled it for life. I see your
husband is havin' a hard time of it with that colt. I will jest hitch my
horse here to the fence, and go down and help him; I want to have a
little talk with him before he comes back here." So he started off on
the run.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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