American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"During the season of gathering the pepper, the persons employed are
subject to various incommodities, the chief of which is violent and
long-continued sternutation, or sneezing. Such is the vehemence of these
attacks, that the unfortunate subjects of them are often driven backward
for great distances at immense speed, on the well-known principle of the
aeolipile. Not being able to see where they are going, these poor
creatures dash themselves to pieces against the rocks or are
precipitated over the cliffs, and thus many valuable lives are lost
annually. As, during the whole pepper-harvest, they feed exclusively on
this stimulant, they become exceedingly irritable. The smallest injury
is resented with ungovernable rage. A young man suffering from the
_pepper-fever_, as it is called, cudgeled another most severely for
appropriating a superannuated relative of trifling value, and was only
pacified by having a present made him of a pig of that peculiar species
of swine called the _Peccavi_ by the Catholic Jews, who, it is well
known, abstain from swine's flesh in imitation of the Mahometan
Buddhists.
"The bread-tree grows abundantly. Its branches are well known to Europe
and America under the familiar name of _macaroni_. The smaller twigs are
called _vermicelli_. They have a decided animal flavor, as may be
observed in the soups containing them. Macaroni, being tubular, is the
favorite habitat of a very dangerous insect, which is rendered
peculiarly ferocious by being boiled. The government of the island,
therefore, never allows a stick of it to be exported without being
accompanied by a piston with which its cavity may at any time be
thoroughly swept out. These are commonly lost or stolen before the
macaroni arrives among us. It therefore always contains many of these
insects, which, however, generally die of old age in the shops, so that
accidents from this source are comparatively rare.
"The fruit of the bread-tree consists principally of hot rolls. The
buttered-muffin variety is supposed to be a hybrid with a cocoanut palm,
the cream found on the milk of the cocoanut exuding from the hybrid in
the shape of butter, just as the ripe fruit is splitting, so as to fit
it for the tea-table, where it is commonly served up with cold--"
--There,--I don't want to read any more of it. You see that many of
these statements are highly improbable.--No, I shall not mention the
paper.--No, neither of them wrote it, though it reminds me of the style
of these popular writers. I think the fellow that wrote it must have
been reading some of their stories, and got them mixed up with his
history and geography. I don't suppose _he_ lies; he sells it to the
editor, who knows how many squares off "Sumatra" is. The editor, who
sells it to the public--by the way, the papers have been very
civil--haven't they?--to the--the--what d'ye call it?--"Northern
Magazine,"--isn't it?--got up by some of these Come-outers, down East,
as an organ for their local peculiarities.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account