Whilse one that's thick in neck and chist And big in leg and full in flank, That tries to race, I still insist He'll have to take the second rank. And I have jest laid back and laughed, And rolled and wallered in the grass At fairs, to see some heavy-draft Lead out at _first_, yit come in _last_! Each hoss has his appinted place,-- The heavy hoss should plow the soil;-- The blooded racer, he must race, And win big wages fer his toil. I never bet--ner never wrought Upon my feller-man to bet-- And yit, at times, I've often thought Of my convictions with regret. I bless the hoss from hoof to head-- From head to hoof, and tale to mane!-- I bless the hoss, as I have said, From head to hoof, and back again! I love my God the first of all, Then Him that perished on the cross, And next, my wife,--and then I fall Down on my knees and love the hoss. WHEN DOCTORS DISAGREE BY S. E. KISER He looked at my tongue and he shook his head-- This was Doctor Smart-- He thumped on my chest, and then he said: "Ah, there it is! Your heart! You mustn't run--you mustn't hurry! You mustn't work--you mustn't worry! Just sit down and take it cool; You may live for years, I can not say; But, in the meantime, make it a rule To take this medicine twice a day!" He looked at my tongue, and he shook his head-- This was Doctor Wise-- "Your liver's a total wreck," he said, "You must take more exercise! You mustn't eat sweets. You mustn't eat meats, You must walk and leap, you must also run; You mustn't sit down in the dull old way; Get out with the boys and have some fun-- And take three doses of this a day!" He looked at my tongue, and he shook his head-- This was Doctor Bright-- "I'm afraid your lungs are gone," he said, "And your kidney isn't right. A change of scene is what you need, Your case is desperate, indeed, And bread is a thing you mustn't eat-- Too much starch--but, by the way, You must henceforth live on only meat-- And take six doses of this a day!" Perhaps they were right, and perhaps they knew, It isn't for me to say; Mayhap I erred when I madly threw Their bitter stuff away; But I'm living yet and I'm on my feet, And grass isn't all I dare to eat, And I walk and I run and I worry, too, But, to save my life, I can not see What some of the able doctors would do If there were no fools like you and me. THE BOAT THAT AIN'T[4] BY WALLACE IRWIN A stout, fat boat for gailin' And a long, slim boat for squall; But there isn't no fun in sailin' When you haven't no boat at all. For what is the use o' calkin' A tub with a mustard pot-- And what is the use o' talkin' Of a boat that you haven't got? FOOTNOTES: [4] From "Nautical Lays of a Landsman," by Wallace Irwin. Copyright, 1904, by Dodd, Mead & Co.