American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"Now, Rollo, you must pitch the ball directly toward the end of my bat.
Do not pitch too hard at first, or you will tire yourself out before we
begin."
Rollo held the ball in his hands and gazed at it thoughtfully for a
moment; he turned and looked at the kitchen windows as though he had
half a mind to break one of them; then wheeling suddenly he sent the
ball whizzing through the air like a bullet. It passed so close to Mr.
Holliday's face that he dropped the bat and his grammar in his
nervousness and shouted:
"Whata you throw nat? That's no way to pitch a ball! Pitch it as though
you were playing a gentleman's game; not as though you were trying to
kill a cat! Now, pitch it right here; right at this place on my bat. And
pitch more gently; the first thing you know you'll sprain your wrist and
have to go to bed. Now, try again."
This time Rollo kneaded the ball gently, as though he suspected it had
been pulled before it was ripe. He made an offer as though he would
throw it to Thanny. Thanny made a rush back to an imaginary "first," and
Rollo, turning quickly, fired the ball in the general direction of Mr.
Holliday. It passed about ten feet to his right, but none the less he
made what Thanny called "a swipe" at it that turned him around three
times before he could steady himself. It then hit the end of the barn
with a resounding crash that made Cotton Mather, the horse, snort with
terror in his lonely stall. Thanny called out in nasal, sing-song tone:
"Strike--one!"
"Thanny," said his father, severely, "do not let me hear a repetition of
such language from you. If you wish to join our game, you may do so, if
you will play in a gentlemanly manner. But I will not permit the use of
slang about this house. Now, Rollo, that was better; much better. But
you must aim more accurately and pitch less violently. You will never
learn anything until you acquire it, unless you pay attention while
giving your mind to it. Now, play ball, as we say."
This time Rollo stooped and rubbed the ball in the dirt until his father
sharply reprimanded him, saying, "You untidy boy; that ball will not be
fit to play with!" Then Rollo looked about him over the surrounding
country as though admiring the pleasant view, and with the same
startling abruptness as before, faced his father and shot the ball in so
swiftly that Thanny said he could see it smoke. It passed about six feet
to the left of the batsman, but Mr. Holliday, judging that it was coming
"dead for him," dodged, and the ball struck his high silk hat with a
boom like a drum, carrying it on to the "back-stop" in its wild career.
"Take your base!" shouted Thanny, but suddenly checked himself,
remembering the new rules on the subject of his umpiring.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account