American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
He sat down and glared at the food in despair. He thought he heard
Adnah's voice and the sounds of a scuffle in the house, and it gave him
inspiration. He arose, and, leaning his hands on the edge of the table,
shouted as loudly as he could:
"I am John Melton, of Philadelphia. I will give you as many references
as you like. I wish your permission to write to your niece and, later
on, to call upon her. May I do so?"
"Are you going to eat your supper?" inquired Aunt Sarah.
He gave up. He could not, as a gentleman, take Aunt Sarah's hands from
her ears and make her listen to what he had to say. He turned sadly away
from the table. The armed escort also arose.
"Please lead the way," requested Aunt Sarah. "The path leads directly
from the front of the cottage to the road."
He had stalked, in dismal silence, almost half way down the winding
avenue of trees, moodily watching the gigantic shadows of his limbs
leaping jerkily among the shrubbery, when it occurred to him that the
women could scarcely carry the lantern and pistols and still hold their
ears.
"I am John Melton, of Philadelphia," he shouted, and looked back to
address them more directly. Alas, the pistols reposed in the pockets of
the two prim aprons, the lantern smoked askew at Aunt Sarah's waist, and
both women were holding their hands to their ears!
He could not know that they had been whispering about him, however, and
really, for man-haters, their remarks had been very complimentary. Not
even that ridiculous costume could hide his athletic figure, his good
carriage and pleasant address.
They were nearing the road when they heard a woman's voice shrieking for
them to wait, and presently Aunt Matilda came running after them,
breathless and excited.
"You must come back to the house at once, all of you," she panted.
"Adnah is wildly hysterical. She insists that she must have this young
man, monster or no monster--that she will die without him. I truly
believe that she would!"
"Nonsense!" exclaimed Aunt Sarah. "Come on, then!"
It was Aunt Sarah who swiftly and anxiously led the way. At the door of
the parlor she paused and confronted the young man.
"Remember," she warned, "that however impulsive our poor, misguided
niece may appear, you _must_ not kiss her!"
Without waiting for reply she opened the door for him. Adnah, smiling
happily through the last of her tears, sprang to meet him, and, seizing
his hand, drew him down on the couch beside her.
"I'm going to keep you here always, now," she declared with pretty
authority, as she locked her arm in his and interlaced their fingers.
He looked around at the aunts and suddenly longed for his own clothes.
They had drawn their chairs in a close semi-circle about the couch and
were helplessly staring. He felt the hot blood burning in his cheeks, on
his temples, down the back of his neck.
"You _will_ stay, won't you?" Adnah anxiously asked him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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