I tell you what I'd ruther do-- Ef I only had my ruthers,-- I'd ruther work when I wanted to Than be bossed round by others;-- I'd ruther kindo' git the swing O' what was _needed_, first, I jing! Afore I _swet_ at anything!-- Ef I only had my ruthers;-- In fact I'd aim to be the same With all men as my brothers; And they'd all be the same with _me_-- Ef I only had my ruthers. I wouldn't likely know it all-- Ef I only had my ruthers;-- I'd know _some_ sense, and some base-ball-- Some _old_ jokes, and--some others: I'd know _some politics_, and 'low Some tarif-speeches same as now, Then go hear Nye on "Branes and How To Detect Theyr Presence." _T'others_, That stayed away, I'd _let_ 'em stay-- All my dissentin' brothers Could chuse as shore a kill er cuore, Ef I only had my ruthers. The pore 'ud git theyr dues _some_times-- Ef I only had my ruthers,-- And be paid _dollars_ 'stid o' _dimes_, Fer children, wives and mothers: Theyr boy that slaves; theyr girl that sews-- Fer _others_--not herself, God knows!-- The grave's _her_ only change of clothes! ... Ef I only had my ruthers, They'd all have "stuff" and time enugh To answer one-another's Appealin' prayer fer "lovin' care"-- Ef I only had my ruthers. They'd be few folks 'ud ast fer trust, Ef I only had my ruthers, And blame few business-men to bu'st Theyrselves, er harts of others: Big Guns that come here durin' Fair- Week could put up jest anywhare, And find a full-and-plenty thare, Ef I only had my ruthers: The rich and great 'ud 'sociate With all theyr lowly brothers, Feelin' _we_ done the honorun-- Ef I only had my ruthers. THE DUTIFUL MARINER[4] BY WALLACE IRWIN 'Twas off the Eastern Filigrees-- Wizzle the pipes o'ertop!-- When the gallant Captain of the Cheese Began to skip and hop. "Oh stately man and old beside, Why dost gymnastics do? Is such example dignified To set before your crew?" "Oh hang me crew," the Captain cried, "And scuttle of me ship. If I'm the skipper, blarst me hide! Ain't I supposed to skip? "I'm growing old," the Captain said; "Me dancing days are done; But while I'm skipper of this ship I'll skip with any one. "I'm growing grey," I heard him say, "And I can not rest or sleep While under me the troubled sea Lies forty spasms deep. "Lies forty spasms deep," he said; "But still me trusty sloop Each hour, I wot, goes many a knot And many a bow and loop. "The hours are full of knots," he said, "Untie them if ye can. In vain I've tried, for Time and Tied Wait not for any man.