American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"We went up and did so. The place was a wreck; the horse was the deadest
I ever saw and the constrictor was still twined about him.
"'Why, the snake's passed out, too,' says I.
"Cap. folds his hands meekly across his breast in a resigned sort of
way.
"'Yes,' says he; 'he, too, was killed in the dreadful struggle. He must
have went straight for the Admiral as soon as he got loose. The handler
was down in the office, alone, when the uproar started; he came jumping
upstairs six steps to the jump and when he sees Mardo putting in that
bunch of body holds on his intelligent charge, why, he took a hand. The
result was a dead snake for me and a crippled wing for him. When I got
here, Doc. Forbes was tying him up,' Cap. goes on rather sorrowful like;
'and when I sees what's happened, I know that I'm a ruined man. So I
'phones for the police and reporters to come down and view my finish.'
"From the way he talked I expected to see him carted home before the
hour was up; but he wasn't. As soon as the newspaper fellows cleared out
with all the facts of the case in their note-books, Cap. sends for a
fellow and puts him right to work fixing up the horse and snake so's
they'll keep, and then lays them out.
"Next morning the newspapers slopped over with scare headlines telling
of the battle. According to their way of looking at it, the struggles in
the arena of old Rome were scared to death in comparison, and modern
times did not come anywhere near showing a parallel of the combat
between the terrible constrictor and the horse with the human voice. The
result of this was that when the time came to open the doors at noon we
had to have a squad of police to keep the mob from blocking traffic for
squares around. Cap. had changed and doubled the size of his ads. over
night.
"The horse was done up in a big black coffin covered with flowers; and
the lid with his name, age and wonderful accomplishment engraved upon a
plate stood beside him. The remains of Mighty Mardo, stuffed with baled
hay and excelsior, were embracing the dead Admiral with monster coils;
and the crowds came, gazed, and marveled; then they went forth to tell
their friends that they might come and do likewise.
"For weeks the coin came into the box like a spring freshet in the hill
country, and Cap. must have kept the bank working after hours; at any
rate, he sat around and smoked with a smile so angelic, that, to look at
him, one wondered how he could wear it and not drift away into the
ethereal blue. It was a good month before the thing lost its pulling
power, and when it stopped Cap. had planted the stake that boosted him
into the company he now keeps and set him to handling voices that cost
thousands of simoleons an hour.
"When all was over, I found time to take the husky, with the damaged
fin out and throw a few drinks into him. Then he told me the whole
story.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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