But that which doth astonish me much is that H. Nevil telleth me that she that was once my wife is of exceeding content with Lasselle a piece of news which I can scarce credit comparing him with myself. But so wags the world. THE PAINTERMINE[3] BY KENYON COX Its innocence deserves no jibe-- Pity the creature, do not mock it. 'Tis type of all the artist tribe; Its trousers haven't any pocket! [Footnote 3: From "Mixed Beasts," by Kenyon Cox. Copyright 1904, by Fox, Duffield & Co.] THE ADVERTISER BY EUGENE FIELD I am an advertiser great! In letters bold The praises of my wares I sound, Prosperity is my estate; The people come, The people go In one continuous, Surging flow. They buy my goods and come again And I'm the happiest of men; And this the reason I relate, I'm an advertiser great! There is a shop across the way Where ne'er is heard a human tread, Where trade is paralyzed and dead, With ne'er a customer a day. The people come, The people go, But never there. They do not know There's such a shop beneath the skies, Because _he_ does not advertise! While I with pleasure contemplate That I'm an advertiser great. The secret of my fortune lies In one small fact, which I may state, Too many tradesmen learn too late, If I have goods, I advertise. Then people come And people go In constant streams, For people know That he who has good wares to sell Will surely advertise them well; And proudly I reiterate, I am an advertiser great! THE FAMOUS MULLIGAN BALL BY FRANK L. STANTON Did ever you hear of the Mulligan ball--the Mulligan ball so fine, Where we formed in ranks, and danced on planks, and swung 'em along the line? Where the first Four Hundred of the town moved at the music's call? There was never a ball in the world at all--like the famous Mulligan ball! Town was a bit of a village then, and never a house or shed From street to street and beat to beat was higher than Mulligan's head! And never a theater troup came round to 'liven us, spring or fall, And so Mulligan's wife she says, says she: "Plaze God, I'll give a ball!" And she did--God rest her, and save her, too! (I'm liftin' to her my hat!) And never a ball at all, at all, was half as fine as that! Never no invitations sent--nothin' like that at all; But the whole Four Hundred combed their hair and went to the Mulligan ball. And "Take yer places!" says Mulligan, "an' dance till you shake the wall!" And I led Mrs. Mulligan off as the lady that gave the ball; And we whirled around till we shook the ground, with never a stop at all; And I kicked the heels from my boots--please God--at the famous Mulligan ball.