American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
Mrs. Howard, over the characterless soup, wondered what it was about the
little English artist that seemed so "different." Conversation with Mrs.
Hilary developed such curious and unexpected difficulties. Mrs. Howard
looked compassionately over at the kindergartner who, with the
hopefulness of inexperience, started one subject after another with her
unresponsive neighbor. What quality was it in Mrs. Hilary that
invariably brought both discussion and pleasantry to a standstill?
Elsie, upon whom Mrs. Howard depended for clarification of her thought,
would only describe it as "English." In her attempts to account for this
alien presence in her household, Mrs. Howard inevitably took refuge in
the recollection of Mrs. Hilary's widowhood. This moving thought
occurring to her now caused her to glance in the direction of Mrs.
Pendleton's black dress and her face lightened. Mrs. Pendleton was of
another sort. Mrs. Pendleton had proved, as Mrs. Howard always expressed
it, "quite an acquisition to our circle." She felt almost an affection
for the merry, sociable talkative Southern woman, with her invariable
good spirits, her endless fund of appropriate platitude and her ready,
superficial sympathy. Mrs. Pendleton had "come" through a cousin of a
friend of a friend of Mrs. Howard's, and these vague links furnished
unlimited material for conversation between the two women. Mrs.
Pendleton was originally from Savannah, and the names which flowed in
profusion from her lips were of unimpeachable aristocracy. Pendleton was
a very "good name" in the South, Mrs. Howard had remarked to Elsie, and
went on to cite instances and associations.
Besides those already mentioned, the household consisted of three old
maids, who had been with Mrs. Howard from her first year; a pensive art
student with "paintable" hair; a deaf old gentleman whose place at table
was marked by a bottle of lithia tablets; a chinless bank clerk, who had
jokes with the waitress, and a silent man who spoke only to request
food.
Mr. Barlow occupied, and frankly enjoyed the place between Miss Elsie
and Mrs. Pendleton. He found the widow's easy witticisms, stock
anecdotes and hackneyed quotations of unfailing interest and her obvious
coquetry irresistible. Mr. Barlow took life and business in a most
un-American spirit of leisure. He never found fault with the food or the
heating arrangements, and never precipitated disagreeable arguments at
table. All things considered, he was probably the most contented spirit
in the house.
The talk at table revolved upon newspaper topics, the weather, the
health of the household, and a comparison of opinions about plays and
actresses. At election times it was strongly tinged with politics, and
on Sundays, popular preachers were introduced, with some expression as
to what was and was not good taste in the pulpit. Among the feminine
portion a fair amount of time was devoted to a review of the comparative
merits of shops.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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