American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
Now, sir, I repeat I have been satisfied for years that if there was any
portion of the inhabited globe absolutely in a suffering condition for
want of a railroad it was these teeming pine barrens of the St. Croix.
(Laughter.) At what particular point on that noble stream such a road
should be commenced I knew was immaterial, and so it seems to have been
considered by the draughtsman of this bill. It might be up at the spring
or down at the foot-log, or the Watergate, or the fish-dam, or anywhere
along the bank, no matter where. (Laughter.) But in what direction
should it run, or where should it terminate, were always to my mind
questions of the most painful perplexity. I could conceive of no place
on "God's green earth" in such straitened circumstances for railroad
facilities as to be likely to desire or willing to accept such a
connection. (Laughter.) I knew that neither Bayfield nor Superior City
would have it, for they both indignantly spurned the munificence of the
Government when coupled with such ignominious conditions, and let this
very same land grant die on their hands years and years ago, rather than
submit to the degradation of a direct communication by railroad with the
piny woods of the St. Croix; and I knew that what the enterprising
inhabitants of those giant young cities would refuse to take would have
few charms for others, whatever their necessities or cupidity might be.
(Laughter.)
Hence, as I have said, sir, I was utterly at a loss to determine where
the terminus of this great and indispensable road should be, until I
accidentally overheard some gentleman the other day mention the name of
"Duluth." (Great laughter.) Duluth! The word fell upon my ear with
peculiar and indescribable charm, like the gentle murmur of a low
fountain stealing forth in the midst of roses, or the soft, sweet
accents of an angel's whisper in the bright, joyous dream of sleeping
innocence. Duluth! 'Twas the name for which my soul had panted for
years, as the hart panteth for the water-brooks. (Renewed laughter.) But
where was Duluth? Never, in all my limited reading, had my vision been
gladdened by seeing the celestial word in print. (Laughter.) And I felt
a profounder humiliation in my ignorance that its dulcet syllables had
never before ravished my delighted ear. (Roars of laughter.) I was
certain the draughtsman of this bill had never heard of it, or it would
have been designated as one of the termini of this road. I asked my
friends about it, but they knew nothing of it. I rushed to the library,
and examined all the maps I could find. (Laughter.) I discovered in one
of them a delicate, hair-like line, diverging from the Mississippi near
a place marked Prescott, which I supposed was intended to represent the
river St. Croix, but I could nowhere find Duluth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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